When you open your eyes

And you see his staring back at yours,

Eyes almost nonexistent

Because his cheeks are raised so high

And his smile is so big,

His eyes watering at the sight of you,

You have never seen eyes so compassionate

And

Full of love like his.

And when he opens the door

And you coming running to greet him,

You can feel his essence mixing with yours

When you hug

And when he takes you out to eat

And you’re stuffing your face

Whilst he is softly smiling at you

Chin in palm,

You can’t help but smile back

Mouth full of food, mid chew

And when he picks you up

And swings you around

His day getting better just at the sight of you

You are reassured that you’re his light in the dark

And when he walks to the doorway,

Setting his bags down

Lips in Heaven,

But his eyes in Hell

You can’t help but feel…

Upset?

Sad?

Depressed?

Naïve?

And when he says, “I’ll see you soon.”

And turns to leave, eyes looking back at you

You begin to feel holes in your soul

But they are replaced by the bad pieces of him

And when he doesn’t come back

And when he doesn’t see you again like he said

And when he doesn’t comfort you while you’re crying

Because,

He

Is

Not

There.

This isn’t a story about a boy.

This is a story about a man.

This is the story of how my father broke my heart

Before any other boy had the chance

And how it was never repaired