they look at old photographs of me
i'm smiling ever too brightly-
a soft glow on my face
a crooked canine tooth  
salty lips and adventurous blood
pumping through skinny veins
i know i will never have you-
get you underneath me, your lips
and fingers smashing mine-
because i've lost all confidence when i'm around you

they look at me now
i am still smiling-
still ever so slightly glowing- once in a while-
i still have that crooked tooth
but i no longer have salty lips
nor adventurous blood-
i am too chubby, too short,
too broken and hurt
for you to ever love me again.

i look at myself then-
i look like i'm trying to impress
-dressed to the nines
even in the supermarket-
that's not me

i look at myself now
i am too depressed
for you to ever love me again.