i seem to have forgotten what it means to
fulfill myself
behind your sweet, sweet smile.
i have become horrified of what i am without you,
petrified, anxious, terribly sad
at the thought of losing you.

i miss something,
and the way i used to laugh at tiny things.

i can't believe how quickly i fall apart when i win
your disapproval.
i can't believe that my cheeks have not pruned or pickled
in the salty tears that i so often cry
at the thought of you disappearing from my life

i miss something,
and the feather-light weight within my chest.

i seem to have missed something
because i miss this something that should be there,
ms. something-after-you i pray to be following you,
i miss something i have lost
but i cannot lose you