I wrap myself in sizes too big because that’s how I see myself.
For surely if they see me this big,
When I reveal my true self it won’t be as bad.
I smother my hips, stomach, shape because
I can’t get past the fact that I hate myself.
Looking in the mirror makes me cringe.
That’s what I look like?

Why can’t I wear cloths in my size?
Why am I afraid to go into changing rooms?
It makes me want to scream when I walk away from a store, that my friends, sister, mother bring me into, so I can find my style.
I will stick with this t-shirt that costed a dollar.

They think it’s easy for me to walk away.
They believe I am being over dramatic.
But I can’t walk into a changing room without worrying if I really fit into anything.
I don’t want to disappoint them when it turns out I’m too fat.
Even if I do fit…
My skin feels like it’s showing too much.
“Watch out for those massive arms dot.”
Right. Thank you.

When will I love myself again?
Writing this made me feel semigood again.
With prom coming up and all my friends wanting to look for dresses,
I am terrified.
Petrified.
Mortified.
Horrified.
Every word that ends with “-fied!”

I will not cry in another changing room.
I will not cry.
I will.