the way i see it i have two options.
option one is to continue to go through the motions.
continue to pretend, and hide behind the thin veil of dignity i feel i have left.
keep my acquaintances and the happiness that i have thoroughly convinced myself that i have,
but in reality be miserable.
option two: relapse
admitting defeat, and accepting the failure that was inevitable from the beginning
losing the things i had recently attained in the process of being clean:
friendship, happiness, and hope.
and circumstantially gain something i've lacked in the last eight months:
the fear of exposing my true emotion.
which is the lesser of two evils?
suppress the protruding ache in my chest leaving me emotionally distant, or show the world how i truly feel?