Trust me when I say you are not the first to love me against your will. I am your every I-shouldn’t-be-feeling-like-this and palms pressed to eyes and dreams you don’t want to end and touches you wish were real. I make you want to stay and change me or change yourself and break your every rule you have ever made for anyone before me and most importantly I make you want to break the world.

Do not make me the epitome of a riddle because, you are smart enough for this and I am not something that can be solved. I am selfish and I am aware of that and I want you but you’re not the only one. I am sorry I never warned you about how I can make you feel and I am sorry I didn’t want to anyway because you are this little book of hope and innocence I lost when I grew up and I need you to be my refuge.

I am waiting for something uncertain in the future and that is why I am playing with the certainties I have in my hands now. Just because I have your feelings intertwined between my fingers doesn’t mean I don’t know the consequences they have on my sentiments. This is not the first time I have done this but the intensity does not die down with the next person and I know I shouldn’t be doing this but I look for homes in people.

But trust me when I say you will fall in love with me on your own will. These moments are temporary and fleeting and they’re the most beautiful mirage you will ever come across. In these moments I am more than just a dream and I am more than who I am and I am more than the 20-year-old girl you fell in love with. And more than anything, I will become nonexistent right on front of your eyes.