i hold you in my hands
i twirl you between my fingers
long and slender
on fire

i inhale you
i blow you out
invisible upon first encounter
but a smokey exit

sometimes i am clumsy
and i forget to tap you
into the ashtray
around which my life has formed

as the ash rolls off
i anxiously attempt to gather
then i remember
that you are no longer

no longer a solid being
but instead
a fragile reminder

something i can not contain
but really
i never could

and yet

i cant stop myself
from trying
again and again

to gather you up

to make you whole again

i still sit here
smoking you
and wondering

will you come home first

or will i force my homecoming