Here’s how it is inside my head when I’m sober.
Everything is clear.
Everything is so clear but it’s a mess.
A mess of words.
Thoughts clashing against each other.
I explain and over explain and I try to get my point across but it’s nothing.
What I say is nothing.
The words that come out are nothing.
My mind speaks against me.
Isn't my mind my own?
I try to calm it but it only rattles even more.
I write and it’s nothing.
I write and the words won’t make sense.
I try and the letters vanish.
Give me shot.
A hit of anything.
Make me high.
I don’t want to know this.
I don’t want to know who I am.
I keep myself a stranger.
I have always been drawn to strangers.
I've always been drawn to hurt.
To ignore.
Keep me high it’s for the best.
It won’t stop.
It won’t stop.

Please stop.

I've learned to be a vessel for so long.
To hide to keep to hold.

It's breaking.