people have a funny way of showing they care: i wake up on the right side of bed and wonder where you really are. the left side is untouched and misses you, sheets wrinkled because during the bad nights i reach out for a ghost.
months are passing by, as they’re meant to. thinking of you hurts. thinking of you is killing me.
though all is forgiven; i know you’ll find the way to our bed eventually.
we played catch-up a few weeks back over cooling coffee in my old-to-me/ new-to-you apartment.
"sorry it’s been so long." you muttered into the mug, steam clawing upwards between us. we avoided eye contact at all costs and allowed ourselves to pretend we were elsewhere.
i almost hated you.
winter is here and in my heart, with only you to blame for bringing this ******* apparition into my home.
the season you left in has a certain chill that won’t ebb under today’s sun.
"it’s fine." i smiled unconvincingly and placed my coffee to the side. hands sliding across the kitchen table and over your own.
a subtle shiver ran down my spine as your hands turned around to grip mine lightly. they were colder than the outisde snow storm.
i acknowledged my fluttering chest with a small nod of the head that made your lips turn up crookedly. i loved you like that.
eventually, i took you to my bed and we stayed there for hours almost like lovers.
everything felt warmer that way.
morning threw itself between us;
and that’s when you found there were no coffee grinds left.
"i’ll go to the store." you reassured me in a deep voice, forgetting to smile down at my small form. despite the easygoing grin, i knew you wouldn’t come home. so i watched as you tromped down the apartment stairs and into the waking world without saying goodbye.
days passed and there was still no sign of you. i wasn’t surprised. living under a roof that lacked all forms of coffee proved harder than i thought. and of course, it was your fault.
days got slower and turned into fading snapshots i can barely remember now. i was stuck with a vision of you in my mind on replay through those insufferable days and nights. smiling at me like the rest of the world couldn’t possibly matter.
at one point, i’d left you a series angry voicemails. all i wanted was to hear you say my name again.
that was the day your mother called me to let me know that you’d been hit right off of 32nd street.
on the way back from grocery shopping.
all they could find at the scene: a body, torn clothing, and two bags of expensive coffee.
now i’m still in our bed. looking to your side and wondering where all that faith had gone.