my stomach is in knots and i feel so sick thinking about you holding anyone that isn’t me and i don’t understand why you thought it’d be a good idea to tell me that you’re falling asleep at night with another girl in your bed, even if you’re not kissing her goodnight, i tried to drown out my sobs all day with modern vampires of the city on vinyl, but it still feels like someone sunk fangs in my lungs
it’s only been a week, the cuts from your nails from holding my heart so tight are still fresh and i never asked you to stop, i never told you i wanted to try to be more than friends again, i never tried to paint your hands red, but all you could seem to do is defend yourself and repeat that you’ve done nothing wrong “you said we’re just friends you said we’re just friends you said we’re just friends”
and we are just friends i just wanted you to understand and acknowledge that it still hurts
and you can say you’re sorry, you said sorry, but i’m sure she’s tucked in beneath your sheets right now and you’re still repeating in your head i’ve done nothing wrong i’ve done nothing wrong i’ve done nothing wrong we’re just friends we’re just friends we’re just friends
and i’m glad you’re comfortable, i’m glad you know you’ve done nothing wrong, i’m glad you have someone to hold at night, i’m glad thoughts of me don’t rip your heart out, i’m glad you’re okay with being just friends
i’m glad you’re fine,
but, i’m sorry, i’m not.
Written by
Madisen Kuhn 25/Cisgender Female/Charlottesville, VA