\\\\\_------/////////



Sitting in the blue-grey stillness

Of my bathroom

Temperature set to make a perfect

balance

between hot and cold.

Except I am leaning on the cold side,

Prickly hairs.



Porcelain bowls,

cupids, angels,

catholic saints,

preasthood,



Angelic ivory

white

toilet bowl

Stained with our animal ****

Over time creating cracks

Of filthy streaks

Just like

how humans carve into

the Earth,

Denying our birth,

Killing our worth,

By overstuffing

our girth

To hide our

true nature.


Ivory bowl

I have just released my blood to you

Blood of my ancestors

Sacred blood

Blood pasted down

in this lineage.

Deep, deep

womb blood


Blood of mistakes.

Blood of stupid conversations and lies

I lived.


Blood of my dear dear
Precious baby

Blood of shame

Further ingrained

Into this white ivory
perfection.

Blood of the savage within me

Crying to break out

While I stand stout

And pull my bow

Tighter and tighter

Sharpen the peaks

Of my fake smile.

I'm happy

I'm happy

I'm normal, normal,
Normal!!!

While inside drums cry

To be beaten

Battles rage on

in explosive contemplation

My bodies ovulation

Of fertile

Formation
....
Then the immunization
..

I try to move to the beat of the nation

But it's a boring station

Feeling my souls frustration

With this numbing radiation.

The baby in my body wails

I am NOT(!!!!)
To be born
To a ship that
fails
The sails.


I am sitting on this

Cloy toilet bowl,

a mirage of all that's wrong

Ring wrought

Fought

rung wrong

Throughout me.

I've been living so long

Killing my song

Killing my dear
Sweet, sweet baby


Hiding demons behind flesh

An obsess

to hide the less

Only ever the best

The best, best,
Best, Best!!


And now I sit,

In porcelain stillness

A full release of the wild woman
woven deep in my bones and blood


Now I sit

Smothering myself

in the mud

I was born in.

Once too ashamed to accept the actuality

of this physical form.


Now I sit


In the silence after
The storm.


Miscarriages, miconceptions
Flopped contraceptions
Illusions, lost directions


Miscarriage means:

a foiled outcome

Of something planned,

Lost dreams,

So strongly bound

Into my bone.

Now I'm feeling

Alone.

They say you must be empty to be free...


Pulling the scattered pieces

Off of the wall

Reshaping after

The fall

Courage. Courage.Courage
COURAGE!!!!


Courageous heart

How I let you fall apart


I'm here

I'm now

I'm ready

to grow

Run free
run strong

And let blossom

The seeds
you sow.


--thank you--
.. sweet blood..

.