you don't know
how this one-sided love feels
knowing that we'll only ever be
best friends
and that you're unintentionally
hurting me
murdering me
and eradicating me from within
and those candid words
from your mind
and onto my screen
and into my heart
they hurt
and those compliments
were they merely said
to be amicable?
to keep me
entranced by you?
to make me love you
even more than i already do?

i don't understand you
and why you tell me
that i'm your world
and then you ignore me
and suddenly need me
and i especially
abhor the fact
that what we had
isn't the same as before
and will never ever
be the same again
and i miss you
i miss our non-stop conversations
i miss the time we spent together
i miss your presence
and your voice
and your messages  
and the face you make
when you're trying so hard
not to laugh
it's adorable
but most importantly
i miss us

but i hate you
so much
for making me believe
that you loved me as well
but now it's clear
because now
all our conversations
are about someone
and sadly
that someone isn't me

but in the end
i'm happy
and euphoric
because you are

it still hurts
but i'm so,
so very happy