I promise I wasn't hurt from the fall. The smack of your door frame was my wake up call that I wasn't swimming I was sinking. It was like the pills and alcohol were my go-to when nothing else around me would spin ; in reality they were the weights on my ankles. Sinking, sinking, gone.
I thought I was in your room, I thought I was in your bed. I thought I heard you talking, but that was your sister's worried voice asking what happened over and over. My lip was bleeding, my face was bruised and I kept thinking it was just your kiss and the way your words hit my head.
It wasn't. That night was the death of me.
It was the death of that pill bottle also.
I wonder if you still think I was sobbing from the pain. Mentally, yes. Physically couldn't compare.
I wasn't sad from you. Trust me, your arms were the only stable place I thought I had in this world. Until I found out that you were just the vortex of lies I grew up with.
I wanted to love you.
I did.
You couldn't return that and I know you tried but I know I was just the unstable mess that couldn't wash out of your bed.
I apologize for ruining things for you and myself.
I still think of you.
I promise.