She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself.
-Anaïs Nin*

I had a good day because the woman at Starbucks spelled my name right,
because the boy at work recognized that I doubt myself before I even finish an answer to a question,
which struck me because
who notices?
I had a good day because I carried myself to the gym, where I watched myself in other's metal eyes and cringed, where I saw my reflection in the windows and wished,
oh. You know.
That I didn't take up so much room and that my appetite would decrease,
and I sit here now thinking about food and wondering
when will it end? The constant whining of my vanity
and needy innards screaming "shrink me"!
The sullen desires build up and well over, and I become a vessel again. I become
something less.