That burning sensation that stops me in my tracks, When I  cant move my hands or take  one more step, I  want to let my knees hit the ground and bury my head into my self . Anywhere that the pain cannot be seen. I want to run till my body collapses from exhaustion. People see me laugh, smile, even when the pain strikes I  smile and wait till I can escape  holding my hands begging please  make the pain stop ,please let them  expand just enough to be able to turn the key, lift a cup of coffee, or grant me a nights sleep and let me wake up ready to fool the world again. I hide my port scars and any scars that cannot be seen by smiling through the torment left from the aftermath of survival.  People say wow you look great, I SMILE and say yes I'm doing well. Why share what they honestly do not want to know . ( no the cancer is not cured,) yes I'm in remission , yes it will awake with a wrath, and yes not a day goes by I don't face chemo side affects. No. No . No. The only thing they will see is the smile and the facade that cancer is just something you read about not something that touches your life in someone you know.  So the day I finally depart from this place it is not because of cancer it is because I chose to with grace and dignity. But yes I am just as human as you. But live with what makes me who I am, and moves through me in silence for an uncertain time.

(c) copyright of my life cherry rose Feb 2015