Sometimes I forget why.
I forget why I’m here, as if there was a reason at some point.
I forget where I’m going, where I’m from, why thats even important.
And I find myself full up
with this feeling
this lingering, ever looming feeling
that makes me want to burst from the seams of my skin.
And inside that feeling is total emptiness. The darkest of darks
I feel it when I sit in a puddle of myself surrounded by walls
When I am alone with others. Always, always.
I don’t know if it is the world wanting in or me wanting out
I don’t know if they can see it or feel it in my presence
Or if they have it too.
Desperately, I wish it was anomalous.
The feeling goes away temporarily, with distractions
Art, music, a taste of affection
and then I feel the shadow
and there it is again.