I've never been able to fully comprehend the depths of loneliness until I finally decided to encage myself in this room filled with my absent creativity and the crumpled up pages of my own thoughts filled around me.
nor did I ever believe in the demons from the twisted fairy tails or the monsters from the scary cartoons until I came to the realization that I've been looking in all the wrong places all along;
they're inside of me, apart of me
and there are days where I am the predator and they are the prey
and I am constantly chasing them away from the canals of my slow-beating heart
but I am also the prey and they become the predator and I swear I can feel them watching me and waiting patiently for me to take just one step in the wrong direction
and before I realize what I've just begun, it's already over and I'm pinned to the ground with hands wrapped around my neck.
and suddenly I can't breathe and I struggle as I gasp for just one more breath,
but then reality hits me and I find myself leaning against my bed frame with my hair falling across my face, papers scattered across the floor, dreams lost in the cracks of my wooden floors.
but I don't cry.
I sit there dry-eyed with my hands wrapped around myself and I slowly begin to deteriorate into the state of nothingness that I will currently and always remain.
and I see the hands of the predators reaching in to try and grab me and take me yet I don't fight it anymore. I've become accustomed to their icy touch and crooked smiles.
and that's when the emotions stop and I begin to empty myself so I would feel nothing, when all I ever wanted was to just feel okay.
so god someone help me, I'm beginning to lose the concept of what's real or what's just apart of my ruthless imagination.
and I'm not sure where I'd rather be anymore.
a.c.