I'm usually not afraid of many things,
but there is one thing I am utterly afraid of.

One might think I'm afraid of the dark,
or maybe I'm afraid of heights.
Some would guess I'm afraid of spiders.
All of these guesses, while possible, would be wrong.

What I'm most afraid of is death, but not death itself.
I'm afraid of dying, and not being able to let her know.

I'm afraid of how she will find out I'm gone.

Will she read a post on facebook?
Will she see it on the news?
Will a friend just tell her?

Will she even find out at all?

Will she text me a million times,
and get mad at me for not answering back?
Will she think I'm mad at her?

Will she cry for me?

Will she be at my funeral?

Will she miss me?


That's the thought that cripples me at night.