I stared to think what I'd been doing that was so wrong. Thinking of ways to improve myself to get her attention in order to make me happy.

Trying not to be myself.

What a ******* idiot I was, thinking that myself was incorrect, just because I wasn't  "right" for whom I desired.

I wish I could control what I desire, or change what you desire, but if I had those abilities then I guess I wouldn't be writing this.

I spiraled into a wormhole of overthought and got spat out at the bottom of an ocean. I thought about drowning for a second. My body had to battle my psyche before forcing it grant my legs the power to kick towards the surface.

I don't know exactly how to wrap this up but by having to escape from my thoughts in order to breathe I realized that trying not to be exactly who i  was so i could find happiness was a ******* contradiction, because it distracted me from everything else that made my cheeks touch my eyes before. Content when i was simply just being myself.