Where can I find people like me? Do they actually exist somewhere out there int the vast expanse of the world?
Or do I sit here bemoaning my self made exile in the same vein that a child does when placed in the corner as punishment for some transgression?
Even if there were some community I might feel welcome in hiding with at some far flung place pledging true freedom, still I would suffer the pains of having a broken soul.
It's been a long time since I opened up my shoebox full of pictures and saw myself five years old and wading barefoot through a cold creek....loving every second of it.
There's another polaroid of me feeding a mint to that angry old donkey, dead years now, but that ornery ol ******* and I had some sort've understanding, him knowing his place and me trying to discover mine.
Most of my life has been spent clawing my way toward some ill defined future I thought I had to travel toward in order to live well, and now I find myself willingly going backward.
My Dad achieved his dream of having land when I was fifteen, and when I came back to live with him again, his land became my own, his cares for our place, became my own, hauling rocks and worrying after fences, being a part of something that we built from our hands.
The world changed quickly though, and if I had been older and wiser I would have expected that the eventual break would appear when most we all needed something of peace.
But those minutes in the clear creek, and that grudging comraderie with a donkey, getting off the bus when seventeen and having horses recognize me as I walk down the dirt road, hoofed friends meeting me at a gate every day; that is the home I need...and one day will return to.