I wake up at 4 am with my mind and all that is in it erased.

I stay there for 5 minutes.
Then my memory comes back to me and it leaves me wondering if I'm actually alive or dead.

Have I lost myself?
I don't feel like I'm living in my body.
I'm not myself.

I'm stuck.
Other see my figure walking but it's not my own.

I'm struggling.
To keep myself controlled.
To speak when I want to.
To feel what I should feel.

I'm at war with my own mind.
Please don’t waste your love on me.
I'm unworthy.
I'm not belittling myself.
But I'm not capable of it yet.

It aches.
My heart doesn't fit it’s cage.

My body is not my own.
I don't know who I am.

But I'm living until my bones dry out.