Life seems perfect
For hitlers dream girl right
Blonde hair blue eyes
I bet her life is as picture perfect
As her selfies
I bet she has everything handed to her
I bet she's never struggled
A day in her ******* life

Well life ain't been a walk in the park
It hasn't been a ******* breeze
But it should have been
I hope I'm making it look easy
I hope I don't look like my struggles

I'm flattered you don't notice the bags under my eyes
Or the scars all over my body
Because I'm not the one
Who put them there
I'm glad that what I've been through
And what people have done to me
Isn't written on my ******* forehead
For everyone and their ******* mom to read

But don't sit here and try to read me
Because I'm not a ******* open book
I'm completely shut off
And locked away
But I'll be ****** if I hand you the key
And let you read a couple of chapters into me
And then use your new found knowledge against me
*******

You don't know how many nights
I've laid awake all night
Because the thought of another nightmare was scarier than the nightmare itself
You don't ******* know what it feels like to walk through hell
While holding the devils hand
You could never understand
Anything I've ever been through
Unless you've been through it to

So don't come to me and confide in me
And ask for a piece of my strength
Because you're "going through the same thing"
AND THEN TELL ME IM ****** UP
FOR NOT HANDLING IT THE SAME WAY AS YOU
don't ******* tell me
That I have issues that I'm stupid
That I NEED HELP
because I'm more than aware

I don't need you to tell me
I don't need you to sympathize with me
I don't need you for anything
I'm still standing here after all of that
And I'm proud of that
Because I can't tell you how many times
I searched the back of my closet for my strength to stay
I can't tell you how many times
I've broke down and screamed at god
To stop putting me through all this misery
To take me out of my ******* misery

I don't need you to reiterate and reassure me
that I don't need to be here
I know I don't deserve to be here
But I still fight to be here everyday
And I WOULD NEVER
Make someone feel as low as me

So get on twitter
Slide into my DMs
And let me know I'm a *******
Because you're not telling me anything
I don't already know
Why do you think I date the guys I do ?
BECAUSE THATS ALL I THINK I DESERVE

but I'll tell you you deserve better
Because every else does
And I'll never stoop to your level
So go ahead and try to bring me down
Because I'm already six feet in the ground
I died at 15 but hopefully my casket won't close
For many years
Because I need to be here
To make you and everyone else around me
Still feel alive

My zombie body is
Fueled off people seeing me still somehow breathing
Against all odds
When probably nobody would blame me
For giving up
And closing my casket for good

If anyone in this room understands
And has gone through what I have
I hope you know you're not alone
And I will give you my very last breath
To let you know you deserve to be alive
Because you deserve to be here more than me
And knowing that I'm keeping you alive
Will keep my zombified body going

And I'll appear so ******* alive

You won't even notice