I say 'this feels different' every time, don't I
but I have stumbled upon something that sets this apart
a very small detail that implies a very big change
I can't touch myself thinking of you.
it seems as though you've buried yourself too deep in my mind
all I can see is our laughter and your goofy grin
I find myself sitting here smiling to the dark room
laughing alone, and I feel guilty because you're not here,
maybe you're not a crush I'm objectifying any more,
maybe I get it now,
I understand WHY the rules are what they are, this time,
because to touch myself thinking about you
uses you, it takes something golden and makes it tarnished
takes a picture of it rather than having it here
it makes you less than you are-
I can't ignore the whole of you rather than parts I want
I have to love all of you, and I am finally equipped to do it
and I would much rather be touching you, than myself.