Get high with
your boyfriend.
Realize he's an ***
as he ignores you for
3 hours playing on
his phone.
Realize you don't love him
as you sit in a McDonalds parking lot
for those 3 hours
writing someone else's
name on the foggy window.
Realize you like writing
in pen because it's more
permanent than you'll ever be.
Realize you can't tell your
mom your dream occupation
because she sees writer and
failure in the same hand.
Just because my hero is Allen
Ginsberg does that mean I'll
grow up to be like him.
Tons of people love Superman
but none of them can fly.
And I love you a **** ton
but that doesn't mean I can
have you.
He says he loves me
But he never hears
the hollow echo as he
knocks on me at night
His ears are not tuned
to the belly flop
of my "I love you too"s
"too" because I'd be too much
of a liar if I said it
first.

He wonders why I whisper
to him in Cherokee.
It's so I can pronounce
the last syllable wrong
and the foundation of
the word crumbles and
it now means nothing.
So I can whisper sweet
nothings in his ear and
it still sounds sincere
because he never
hears me choking around
the syllables.
Because he is still deaf to
the dead pang of the words
as they fall and shatter
around us.
My words are counterfeit
and he somehow still doesn't
see the light catch on the
false foggy lies falling out
of my mouth like stones.

My tears spelling out "liar"
in my running mascara
and he is still
blind.

He keeps saying that I've
been "quiet"
It's because I know
if I opened my mouth
my entire being would
spill out and he'd see
all of the disguises.
I am made up of
empty truths and
stuffed to the brim
lies.
And if he could /really/
look into my eyes
I'm sure he'd soon
be able to hear
the heavy echo
of my mind screaming
someone else's name
as my body screams
his.
But for now,
my little moans
cover the emptiness
and clearing my
throat will have to do
for covering the false
"love you"s
And the poorly lit room
will just have to work.
Because if he saw my eyes
screaming "I'm sorry"
He'd go running too.