I know it's been months since you left
Somehow parts of you will never fade away
Like that time when you told me you grew tired of me
That I know will never leave my mind & will scar me for life
Now I have to pretend that I didn't see you & I don't think it will ever stop hurting, but I'll just get used to it
And last night I called you just to hear your voice again
The least thing I had expected you to do was answer my call
So then I asked you how you were doing
And I could feel you shaking your head with confusion
So you sat there quietly on the other line, hesitant to tell me
In that very moment it was like you forgot I even existed & that I once part of your life
After a few minutes you finally replied, saying "alright" and at that I made sure to let go of you
I smiled as I hung up the phone
And that was the last conversation I had with you
Fast forward to the present time
And yes I still wonder how you are & what you've been doing
I still wonder what you & your friends are up to, and if you've seen any concerts recently
I know that if you heard me ask you these things, you'd have that big smile on your face like you used to
Every time I said something thoughtful
So you'll probably still think that I need you
That I still want you
And in this moment, no.
Not at all, not in this case
Because nine months ago I was doing everything I can just to impress you
To make sure & check up on you that you were happy & content
And to make sure I was the person causing happiness & that smile on your face
But no, it isn't nine months ago
It is the present time
It is now
In this moment
I remember you as a person I shared my secrets to at 3am in the morning & ****** to feel a sense of closeness
I remember you as someone I shared special moments with, like laughing at something at 5 in the morning
I remember you as someone who made me happy through the dark moments in my life and that I'm always grateful for
But you see it isn't nine months ago
It is the present time
It is now
And in this very moment
I miss how you messaged me unexpectedly just to ask me what happened throughout my day
I miss you how you cared, even at things that weren't so important
I miss our friendship, our secrets, our stories, our dreams & goals
So maybe one day things will be alright again
It will be different, but it will be better
And maybe we'll run into each other
Catching up with our lives
But right now you're a faded memory
Someone I used to know, but all that is a blur