I am mad, so mad to the point that my seething anger can be seen and felt by the red in my cheeks. I feel like I am about to burst, because my heart is pounding, continuously increasing it's pace. There is a mild throbbing at the back of my head and I feel it ever quicken and deepen as my rage becomes painfully noticeable. I wince, and that calms me down a little. The feeling of physical pain caused by an emotion as simple as anger can lead to an immediate calming effect. But I can no longer be calm because I am mad again. The rage I have in me is so strong that I am unable to let out a single word.
Not even a shout or scream or squeal of frustration. My chest feels like it may give up on me and explode, causing my heart to break apart my ribcage and skin and fall out into the open.
The smallest trickle of tears fall down my cheeks and my loathe for sadness only escalates my wrath. But as the tears continue to fall, I give in to it-
Becoming the vulnerable, sad little girl that had tried to be angry and was ready to burst, only to be consumed by misery and guilt once more.
I collapse into a heap onto the ground and turn my head so it faces the floor, wetting the surface with my tears and heavy gasps of hopelessness.

when her eyes open wide
I could feel the ocean rushing in them
I could see my reflected happiness
I could taste the sea water as she cried
when her lips parted to reveal perfect teeth and tongue
I wish i could indulge in her
I wish i could make her feel wanted
I wish all that came out of her mouth were moans of delight and sweet nothings she'd whisper into my ear
when her heart beat fast
I could hear the thunder of a storm approaching
I could hear the blood rushing to her head and to her cheeks
I could hear her thoughts tumbling about in her head

and I sat down to think and think and wonder
why have I not fallen in love with her yet?

you've churned me into vulnerability
and all i'm inclined to do
is to thank you
for breaking me and bending me
into a mould i can no longer break out of
thus,
compelling me to look to you
as my source of life
love
and happiness.

i am,
and always will be,
unconditionally yours.

You painted onto her eyes
The sweet poetic words of your cold embrace
Letting the punctuation marks run down her cheeks
In the form of saturated tears and soiled mascara
Every alphabet you left behind
Ever tear you refused to wipe away with your thumbs,
She used to form words of love and remorse-
Statements of a battle lost and a broken heart.

i'm desperately longing for the way things used to be
when you were you and i were me.

she whispered the words of hope
her breath thick
her words slurred together
as they danced from her tongue
loveliness surrounding the air around her.

she beamed the smile of happiness
her face lit up
like christmas lights on a traditional tree
and she shone brighter than any sun
allowing them warmth and laughter.

she sang words of life
and each sentence proved a lesson,
she taught and they listened
and they believed
in the slight glimmer of a dream that had once faded.

and finally
she loved with emotion and desire
with a strong passion
that could not be found in just anyone.
she was special
a beautiful young daisy
barely blossoming
yet letting the sun shine brighter
and gracing the dirt with her beauty.

despite it all
she never seemed to see
all the beauty she was and could be.
perhaps we should try
to be the good in our hearts
that she could perceive.
let the world smile with
Esther,
once again.