Fresh air and blue skies have me yearning for uninhibited laughter and careless joy captured in a Polaroid frame and branded to my soul forever. Anyone else's blood move quicker with the promise of spring? Daisy chain crowns, rainbow-littered cloudbanks, crocuses and orange trumpeted daffodils. New lambs in the fields to a soundtrack of birdsong. I'm tongue-tied chasing the words for my feelings today, but content in it

Dazed and confused
the sunshine streams through the glass
but the heat in my cheeks
blossoms from your soul searching

Wanted a woman, never bargained
for you - cocksure and knowing smirk
built a fire from embers
created below

Ebony eyes and wanton woman
calling forth dancing flames
Lord how they hypnotise
licking skin lemon sweet

Breathy moans, wailing, strings snap
building, running, bridging, cresting
Alight and alive
I want you again

angonising insecurities
hot tears and cyanide-sweet guilt
turning ashen on my tongue
your gentle love brands me
an unwitting reminder
of hollow heart
oscillating, fury and despair
incapable of providing
warmth, selfless sacrifice
vines of all that is ugly
warping invisible moral pillars
leaving behind a crumbling artefact
secrets lost to acid tears
and my soul's brittle foundations
and tempestuous nature, ruinous
self-loathing and denial
boundary walls reinforced
with steely reticence and
double-edged grief

I don't deserve you
I don't deserve you

I can't put into words what I'm feeling just now and it's maddening because the emotions and physical manifestations are so visceral and the language completely intangible, tearing up dictionaries in twelve languages to accurately pinpoint what bubbles furiously beneath the surface, ready to boil over, spill outside the lines of my corpse

I could rip myself in two and splatter the searing hot everything on paper and still not make sense of the colours and violent slashes and lost lines and marks of hesitation and deep etchings that imprint far beyond the page I marr with scribblings, half-word annotations and empty, unsatisfying compounds falling short of sentences that ooze the right mouth feel, instead reminiscent of chewing plasticine

Empty coffins lie in wait for exorcised ghosts in ink or graphite or hot condensation to finally put to rest a body fraught, haunted by memory and nightmare and razor sharp reality embroiled, inseparable, to cut the cord would end it all but to leave it a ribbon wrapped around my throat will surely suffocate me under its weighty expectation - head rolling or at least mind racing as life and limb are lost, mere casualties of an unseen war but one whose battle scars invisible and insurmountable leave little option but to extoll one final silent scream

feed me slices of apple cut with your penknife
under the old barren tree
twist your fingers in my hair, unkempt

lick at the trailing juices from my lip
travel south on my neck
smile into my flesh, huff my heady scent

grip me tighter, escape, venture inside
pour illicit prayers
in my mouth with foreheads pressed

glide through the path of the garden
lush in my summer prime
take all that I have and give in to temptation

it's hard to put words to the want
pulling at the pit of my belly
speeding the pulsing fire
desperation to be claimed
consumed
skin deep isn't close enough
fill my head with your secrets
the ones you only take out in the darkest hours
placed gingerly in your bed
half-covered in blankets
coloured in shame and seedy regret
plant them, sow your desires
I want to **** your soul

monstrous memories
transmogrified
grew
shadows lengthening
limbs gnarled
snarling slowly
jaw unhinged, groteque
unwomanly
inhuman, keening
insufferable
agape
not hiding
unsightly
unseemly
aghast
antisocial
not shrinking
domineering, tight grip
expansive
expensive
emotionally spent
empty, still brimming
boiling over
hot tears and hotter
fire burning, belly
deep
tongue lashing
teeth mashing
unhinged
undone
stripped dignity,
indifferent
indescribable, ungodly
unprocessed
repressed
buried beneath
shameful
blame-filled
too full
spilled
spoiled
still, surviving
soaked in indignity
stationary
unsteady
crawling, back
to myself
not ready
not waiting
not relenting
no forgetting, forgiving
myself for feeling
repealing
relentless reticence
regaining feeling
in every extremity
flexing muscle
memory
awakening
concrete cracking
fresh pain, relieving
aches
answers, rediscovering
remembering
readjusting
ready
righteous, taking
final form
furious