i watched the sun glisten
off the top of the water
as it made small ripples
the size of locks of my hair,
and i thought of you.

you too, like the sun,
are only an illusion;
the sun is a million miles away
but still seems to affect
the water in such a beautifully
tragic manner,
just as you are never here
but can still keep me
yearning for your warmth.

tell me why you left me alone
when i needed you the most.

As crazy as it might be
This callus is a beautiful thing to me
What's an ego to go unbruised?
What's a heart left unabused?

I didn't get this hardened shell
From concrete, glass, or fires of Hell
Why dwell on the knell you gave my cerebral gel.
I'm under someone else's spell

My palace with this Alice
Unshared with such malice
As what gave me this callus
It should be just now, us

I can say with a sense of pride
I needn't abide by a bride
Whos the great divide on each side
Without intention, will break my stride

I won't be denied
This emotional high tide
This woman which I confide
My side, a guide astride this distance ride

This callus thick of scorned love
Glad you're not what I'm thinking of.

Poe--Whitman--
how I cradle your aesthetic!
I sing my body in electrical wires
& hurry the darkness in,
as it is late.
Ms Dickinson,
your fly is now upon my window,
perhaps teasing me at the
sound of my pleas.
Where are you?
Ginsberg you're not talking
to me about god & beauty & life;
Neither shall the
romantic maniacs, nor any
prissy royalty who loved living
their wealth.
Mr. Frost I choose life at the dead end!
Mr. Faulkner I choose to hate you!
Mr. Bukowski I'm sorry you couldn't make it for coffee
you wouldn't have enjoyed the
waitresses anyway.
Neruda, you taught me
nothing of love--you should have--
& W.C. Williams
reading you would defeat
the purpose of trying to die, so as much as it pains me
I'll have to pass,
maybe tomorrow though.

Bukowski wrote
about the condition.
John Green said
"pain
demands to be felt."

I wonder what it takes
for pain to consume us?
Entirely but slowly;
cell by cell, vein
by vein, part
by part.

Lost
in a sea of
the condition.

Permanent,
chronic;
a disease
terribly
felt.

as much as i feel
wiser
stronger
more independent
i am suctioned into
digressing
repeating
forgetting
and walking right back in
to this nightmare of a culture.

What a ****** up
Corpse strewn
gorgeous globe
I see.
The one's who aren't dead
are scarred and scared,
and they mutilate themselves
and bury their names.
But an image of what was
always remains.