i don't know what to say when it rains
long pressed backspace
retract every word that comes out
of my mouth that you used to kiss

walls used to have my back
but at the same time, they hinder
my part to let go for once
and peek over the other side

to ask

"will it rain?"
"will i see the sun?"
navigating the weather might be hard
but one thing's for sure
home is where you set foot
with your smile i stay warm
in your presence i find shade

i'm tired of keeping myself from others
it's just so ironic to rationalize
is it for them to be safe from me
or to save myself from them?
this everyday heads-or-tails situation
makes me wish that everywhere i go
is a lawless place where i can just be
or something
or someone
i could find solace from
like a pillow in an empty room where i sleep
but as always
it turns out
this room's too small for people to break down my wall
just as how the rain expects her tears to reach my skin
only to end up on my umbrella
as my desolate eyes stare
to the manhole on the road i walk
wishing to throw myself in it
to consummate its term
thinking at least
i made sense once in my life

I didn't die
Why am I still so angry about that?

always dreamed
of leaving one day
by walking my fingers
left and right and forth
as if the nails were soles
and tips were heels

at the coming of age
always thought
of leaving one day
with nails as tracks
so no one would follow
that not even myself
would want to come back
since between you and me
there is not a thing
worth keeping