i can breathe you in forever
i missed your smell
your taste
the pounding in my chest
your arms around me
i searched for you in all the wrong places
all the wrong people
i was just trying to find a glimpse of you
but now you're mine again
and my heart is all yours

i like to turn off my frontal lobe
let my amygdala and limbic lobe start screaming
let them ooze their tears
feel each and every stab
i know it's irrational
maybe it's a little self destructive
but the numbness is always worse than every scar they have caused me
because you see my frontal lobe likes to make me an empty shell
it likes for me to pull away from the pain
and let the darkness eat me alive

why must i feel so deeply
sometimes its nice
i love deeply
i'm happy deeply
i give deeply

but
i'm sad deeply
hurt deeply
frustrated deeply
drowning deeply in the chaos of these emotions

my love for you fizzled up
like soda left on the counter
like a fish with no water
slowly inhaling what kills it

i don't know when it happened
im not even quite sure why
but sometimes you stepped on my emotional mines without even realizing they were there
exploding inside my heart
ripping me up inside
i know you didn't mean it
but i didn't need someone else making me feel like i wasn't good enough
maybe that's why i pulled away
maybe i was the air that ****** the carbonation out
maybe i drowned myself
i'm sorry i couldn't be what you wanted
i'm sorry i let myself get in the way of our beautiful
i often do that
my emotional scars can be quite fragile
the stitches are still in place
the wounds barely healed
i'm sorry you couldn't make me feel good enough
maybe because you are so much greater
maybe it was just the wrong time
i'm not sure
but i'm sorry

you make me want to write poetry
and paint the sky with this feeling inside
breathe in your heartbeat
run through the clouds
and swim through the ocean of you
this time I'm never letting go
because now I know
there's only one you
only one of this feeling
the only one who makes me want to write poetry

i had forgotten what it felt like
the rush
the endless laughter
the smell of you on me
the look you give
the heat of your skin on mine
the way my heart feels
and i wonder how i ever forgot

inadequecy
will be the death of me