I dream about a guy..

A guy who will treat me well through thick and thin,
A guy who will respect me, for who I am, and won't judge my mistakes..
A guy who will keep telling me, how much he loves me,
and how much he miss me..
A guy who will understand my weird poems, and sentimental quotes,
A guy who will choose to spend his night with me,
A guy who will say sorry, because our relationship isn't about winning,
A guy who will forget his ego to love me,
A guy who will see that I'm the only one for him,
A guy who will fight for me, even I'm so hard to be with,
A guy who will not let me sleep with tears in my eyes,
A guy who will not let my broken heart left falls apart,
A guy who will understand me, in every words, or silence..
A guy who will love me, for who I really am..

*A guy who doesn't exist,
A guy who lives in the fairytale..

If I ever pray to God,
it is you who I've been asking for.
I'm not saying that you are perfect,
but you are the perfect fit for me.
I admire you as a person, not because of your looks,
nor your talents.
I admire your heart. I admire your thoughts.

If I ever pray to God,
I'm not asking for a Prince Charming,
I'm not a damsel in distress.
I don't need someone who will save me from danger.
But I'm asking Him for a company.
I want a good companion,
I don't crave for it. I don't mind to be alone.
But I want someone who I can spend my time with.
Someone who understands me and my peculiar habits.
Someone who won't judge. Someone who listens.
Someone who I can count on.

If I ever pray to God,
I'm not asking for a smooth sailing.
I'm asking for endurance. I'm asking for perseverance.
I know this relationship would be hard. as hell.
I don't crave for status. But I need to know where am I.
I cannot be floating in the middle of the sea without any certainty.

If I ever pray to God,
I'm not asking for a happy ending.
I don't expect myself to be falling this deep for someone.
I don't think that I would love this hard again, after everything that happened before.
But falling for you, I can't help it.
You are the one that I think is enough. You are the whole package.
Finally, I feel that talking to one person is enough.

I'm seeing myself like seasons.
Change every certain month, change whenever I want.
But you are my autumn. my comfort. my favorite season.
and I want to spend it my whole life.
I'm not easy to bear with. But you are the one that makes me love again.
You are the one that I know, I want.
Stay. Please.
Even when the circumstances don't let us be together,
at least I've tried to be your best. at least we've tried.

If I ever pray to God,
*it is you who I've been asking for.

One day, you finally realised that
couple shirts,
matching tattoo,
or even promise ring..
won't guarantee anything.

Someday, you finally see that
promise can be broken,
commitment can be denied,
and love fade.

You always said,
"I always believe that there's a good guy for you,
somewhere, out there."

You always told me,
"fall for someone that does not only give you comfort,
but also the one that makes you fall for his personality."

"the one that loves you so much,
the one that can lead the relationship,
the one that can make you listen,
the one who will always get you excited,

You always said to me,
"I hope you are in the good hand someday,
so, I can leave you in peace.

I always smiled when you start rambling about this,
what if,
someday I tell you,
"I've found that guy."
Will you be surprised, if I say, **it is you?

what is not seasonal in life?
You name it.

Climate?
Hobby?
Fruits and crops?
Fashion?

or even love?
They are all seasonal.

The moon rise,
it appears in a beautiful dawn sky..

The sky is getting darker,
as the stars start to blink their shine..

I saw you there,
At the corner of the alley,
waving to me..

And I know for sure,
It's gonna be a good night.
Your smile is calming me down,
as I walk down to you..

I'm falling for you,
*all over again..

When you look me in the eyes,
When you hold my hand tight,
When you touch my cheek,
When you talk to me,
When you hug me tight,

..is when I know what could be better,
what could be nicer,
what could be lovelier,
than let your arms all around me,
and mine all around you..
For a while..

It feels like,
I know for sure;
that everything's gonna be alright.

Don’t you think it would be more convenient
If we work on things as it is
Without knowing what are we want to do or to be.
Just spend the rest of our life as it is.

Just like those realists, as they called us an idealist.

Don’t you think it would be easier
If we keep on doing things as it is,
To take things as it is.
Go with the flow.

Just like those realists, as they called us an idealist.

I’m not proud of being an idealist.
It’s not easy to keep my feet on the ground
When my head is up in the cloud.

I like to write.
This, the only thing that keeps me sane.
This, the only thing that makes me feel alive.
But it won’t pay the bill.

I think the only thing that keeps us alive is passion.
If it's not happiness, then what the hell are you looking for in life?

Why don't you just sit;
and smell the flowers.

Why don't you just enjoy the moments,
Why do you have to figure out, what's before you?

Why don't you just relax,
smell the breeze of the ocean,
feel the Sun shines on your skin,
and just feel happy about that.

Why do you have to seek for certainties,
why do you have to demand all things to be in the right places.

Why can't you just take a deep breath,
and smile for things that are happened.

Why can't you just hold my hand, and be content

>

She met that Taurian last summer.
When everything was a mess;
He came to her life in a blink of an eye and made everything so much brighter to her.

She cherishes her day from that very moment.
She always convinces herself that he is the one that God sent her to be hers.
She knows that he is the one.

But she was young and stupid.
She lost him twice,
because of her own stupidity.

She thought, there is somebody who's better than Taurian.
So she left him, without a trace.
She is wrong.
and you know, you can't treat Taurian that way.

This Valentine's day,
When she's trying to make things right,
he replies her,
"Nope, it's okay. I'm your friend."

and from that moment,
*she knows, she is doomed.

A bottle of beer in front of you,
it promise you to blow away your pain,
your insecurity,
your heartache,
drink a little bit..

Now, you're alone in your room,
even though you refused to be alone tonight,
you have no one, admit it.. you're lonely..
drink a little bit..

It's rain outside,
you're staring out of your window..
you start to sob,
you're just too tired to face this rude, rude world..
drink a little bit..

You buy this cheap beer,
just because you will easily fall asleep when you're drunk..
and you hope tomorrow, you can smile again,
like tonight is never happen..
Well, your beer promise that..
drink a little bit..

Tonight, you refuse to think about that man..
the one who makes you think that missing him is a mistake,
because you know that he doesn't even care about you..
now, drink a little bit more..

Your bottle is empty already,
so how?
*Does you beer really blow your pain away like its promise?

Today,
I pray to God.
To thank Him for giving me you
for these past years.
To keep you safe and sound
wherever you are.
To bless you
in every step you take.
To love you
more and more each day.
To protect you.
To keep you warm.
To be with you.
Always.

& I also pray to God
for myself.
To thank Him
for His grace upon me.
To show me
his presence for me each and every day.
To guide me
in every path I choose.
To carry me
Every time I fall.
To heal me
every time I broke my own heart.
To let Him lead my way
To be with me.
Always.

You always said,
you've learnt,  you've changed,
that you are now better
I do see it,
But I don't believe it.

.. You will be always being you:
Shallow;
Inconsiderate;
Dishonest.

Cz recently,
I finally found the last missing pieces of the puzzle;
At our last moment though, you still lied to me.

Well, I guess that explains all,
Liars gonna lie
.

I'm the girl who writes.
I write everything that comes to my mind,
I write everything that I felt.

pain,
uncertainty,
reality,
broken heart,
questions,
and sometimes, nonsense.

They are all sick of my words,
They cannot deal with my poems,

Maybe deep down, they know, that is the truth.
they know exactly, that is the current situation.
or maybe,
they just tired with all of my nonsense.

They can blame it all on me,
because today I realized,

No, I'm not a cynic nor a skeptic.
No, I'm not bitter nor a cold-hearted.

If I cannot write a love story,
If I skip them in my poems,
If I write bad things,
If I curse or intimidate them with my words,
deal with it.

Because one thing for sure,
When it comes to the right one,
I know I can write about love,
about falling in love,
about cheesy romantic things.

*It's not me, it's them.

I write about you long before we even start dating.
I wrote about how I adore you,
how I want you,
how I love you.

You know, I never really write about love before.
All I write is about heartbreak,
pain,
lies,
and hate.

How can I really write about love,
when I have no subject to write about?
How can I really write about falling in love,
when all I have is a heartbreak?

I still remember that I thought I've found the one,
when I met him.
I thought everything is falling into the right place,
and I don't need to worry about anything,
as I've found the love of my life.

But everything becomes a joke suddenly.
It doesn't take that long for me to realize everything;
Maybe everything is not what it seems.

& after our goodbyes,
the more I see those inconsistencies,
those stories & theories that make me even sure,
that maybe he's not the one.

I've packed my bag;
and all the broken pieces of my heart.
Those happy endings I thought I've found,
is all becoming nonsense.

Doesn't he know that all he did just now is really breaking my heart?
or maybe..
all these years,
all I see is just an illusion?