i used to try and
make my own arkwork but
everytime i did
i ended up with cut up skin and
tarnished hair clippings.
now i just
color in the lines of a
childrens book
and hope that
the bad thoughts
leave me
alone.

72 years. Thats how long true love lasts. Well I like to think it lasts longer. I don’t know that for sure yet but I’d like to some day. Together since age fourteen and sixteen, I think thats pretty impressive. A different time. Which ***** because so much of ‘love’ nowadays revolves around lust. Which is more physical than emotional. So then I wonder how can they throw the word love around, whilst throwing themselves around. Oh the irony
Well I thought I loved someone once. Eight months, with probably triple that amount in fights. Though we fought it came easy to us. I guess thats more than I can say then the couples that were around us. But it was too hard. Hearing what he really thought about me. Not good enough. Too far away. Like I was so object only to be attained, to be shown off. Like a prize. Well I stopped being that object the same day he decided he didn’t love me
That’s what also ***** about this generation. There isn’t just a relationship or single there is: Talking, talking talking, flirt texting, couple dates talking, occasionally hook up talking, got drunk that one time at a party and now things are awkward talking. Then there’s: Having a thing, kind of together, pretty much together but not official, pretty much together but not Facebook official, together, and too many more.  
We can’t go two seconds with out Facebook stalking, texting, IMing, calling, or being together without fights, or assumptions about unfaithfulness. People are treated as objects and love it because someone, somewhere is paying attention to them and making them feel special. Generation X. Who can’t stop worrying about all their ex’s. More like generation disappointment.

i wont see you all summer.
i have your number but
i wont use it.
i miss you already.

If I was gay..
would it really that bad?
I mean,
I'd adopt a few kids, maybe even save their lives.
I'd show the world that I'm not evil, actually, I'm pretty nice..
I volunteer sometimes too.
But, that's not the point,
is it?

Kids are so afraid to be themselves and
you all wonder why.
Want to know?
Because of all the constructive critisism
we get from the second we walk out of
our rooms.
No wonder my stepbrother doesn't want to
leave his room or
I don't want to leave school;
They're safe havens from
******* like you.

Are you okay?*
he asked, worried about poor, poor Rach.
I smiled, nodded, and tried to get back to work.
But, no, I wasn't okay.
I was having yet another attack,
the kind that
makes your breathing heavy and
your palms sweating.
the kind that
makes you so afraid to move
because of the thoughts you think that
should be imaginable,
eh?

Well,
take a wild ride into my mind
and you'll understand that it happens
to me almost everyday.

I'm practically being kicked out.
No, silly,
Not out of my house or anything.
Just out of my position.
My favorite and least-favorite
position.
Well,
I would tell you all what position it is
but that's not how I work,
now do I?

I don't have much rage
I'm just crying.
No biggie.
I always cry
this time feels different
because I finally understand
that I was just filling that
position in.
That I was just
"keeping it warm"
for someone better to come along.
Technically,
they've been here the whole time though,
they were just hiding in the shadows,
lurking,
waiting,
till you were at your most
vunerable.

After all,
thats what demons are best at,
waiting.
Waiting till you need someone the most
so that they can put on a mask and
act like they'll always be there for you.
That they're your friend.
HA!
I've learned alot over the past year and
even though I may trust many,
I don't keep them close because,
you're right:
They always leave.

Even you will.