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I lie awake at night, my mind wandering,

What am I doing with my life?

I feel so useless.

Pointless.

I envy those around me, those who know exactly what they want, and how to get it.

I've never been that kind of girl, the girl who has a plan for her life.

I spent 5 years in college, with nothing to show.

Except for an expensive piece of paper.

Worthless

Me, or that expensive piece of paper, I'm not sure which.

I'm floating, aimlessly through life.

I wish I could be handed a roadmap of my own life.

I need direction, desperately.

Give me a **sign.
 Oct 2013 rachel
emma
panic
 Oct 2013 rachel
emma
****
                                           s   h    i      t
        ****
no
no no no no

                           the memories
they're
                 f
                   a
                       d
                              i
                                    n
                                           g
stay

             please stay right here

no no no
                           no no no
don't

               leave

                                 don't let the memories fade
don't


               don't become
a
         s t r a n g e r

please
                           please please please
no


          can we stop  this for a minute


just please
                                                                             no no no

stop

                    g o d d a m n i t
please

                         ****  


i can't

i don't want

                        to forget
i've forgotten how his touch felt and i've forgotten his smell and i don't remember what he said to be (besides "i need to kiss you" that's kinda stuck to my brain) and i've forgotten at what time he waited outside in the ******* rain to kiss me one more time before he went home and i've forgotten how many butterflies i felt in my stomach.
i have forgotten and it made me panic because i want to remember forever
 Oct 2013 rachel
Darius M Buckley
i saw the autumn leaves

f
  A
     L
        l

like downy rain. they crinkled and fell softly to the Green earth.

silently surrendering their souls to a

GRAVE
of brown ashes.

simple stories, they all possessed
tragic in nature...

the green leaf filled with ENvy, cried out, "why should the brown fall first, why not I!"

He lay alone to fall by his lonesome self, turning brown as he imagined, only to fall by himself like a lonely book on an aching self.

the orange one desired to be like the sun, she saw the dawn a glow with ORANGE delight, and wanted to fly up there in the bluey sky...

the red loved her soft home amongst the tallest branch

she out cried as he let her go, to fall among the ashes of others, her beauty was FINE,

only at a glance. It died as she drifted farther from her last chance...  

the one that mesmerized me the most, was the Brown one,

He D R I F T E D across the morning air

dreaming of a long awaited rest.
                                                   d
he had dangled and F            e
                                   l      A t
                                      o
                                             from,

west                      to                  east

         his journey was

L                      O              N            G.

but he found no wrong in his life,
only joy,

he cared no more of Vanity, or GREED, or the wonders of the Sky.

he had lived his life in these heights and he long to rest among the Greenly pastures of life.

God blew a soft wind and lifted him off course,

he now drifted to the greeny land and laid there, in pure

BLISS

he was not worried of the fall or his homely grave, he dreamed of the simple pleasures of this Bark filled home and drifted away

like an aerial nomad in gay nature.

Unlike the others, the brown leaf was blessed to die among the soft green ground,

a blessing for a humble spirit, cheerful at HearT.

as the other men walked along the thoroughfare,

i watched the autumn leaves f
                                               a
                                                l
                                                l
, like the spirit of the browny leaf,

i was humbled and very happy
I was inspired to write this while walking on campus from class. I saw beautiful red, yellow, and a nice assortment of colored leaves falling from the trees. It made me imagine their sorrow and joy as if they had real lives. I was inspired by the unique structure of E. E. Cummings! I felt that the reader would appreciate seeing the leaves fall on paper lol.
 Oct 2013 rachel
Sir B
Axios.
 Oct 2013 rachel
Sir B
Axios.
I. Am. Worthy.

































Yea, sure
Let's just go with that.
Wrote it a while back.. Felt like posting it.. What am i doing? I dont know..
 Oct 2013 rachel
Mancenillier
pathetic is the way that i yearn for your attention,
clawing at anything tangible;
your water slips through my fingers in a
parade of mocking figurines
twirling and fleeting as my grasp tightens
and i end up with less than i started with.

do not think that i am the only one who notices
your frigid civility
and a bitter taste rises through my throat
as i remember the way you gripped it,
squeezing,
screaming

"i'm so sorry"
i forgive you.
no! no! no!

away with my tender thoughts and deceived imagination;
come closer, dear, and i'll show you how much you mean to me:
i hate everything about you,
and i want you to love me back, please.

twist my melancholic soul,
for you have become so cold.

(and i will heal you,
although i cannot remedy myself)
 Oct 2013 rachel
Randall Smith
The memories are closing in
I fear there's no escape.
The things I said and things I did
Follow me like a shadow.

A curt remark a smart retort
I thought I was so clever.
How many did I hurt
While thinking of myself?

Never look back to what you did,
Tomorrow is all that matters.
Hurt feelings, broken hearts, no problem,
I have myself to think of.

The years have passed me by
I've grown and put ego aside.
Now how do I apologize
For the pain I left behind?
 Oct 2013 rachel
Lizzy
One day when you're lost
And you do not want to live
Just remember me
 Oct 2013 rachel
August
Head floating.
Thump thump
Thumping in your head.
Thump thump
You can feel every breath
Inhale
Dragging down your throat
Exhale
Each one a different texture
Inhale
Soft and cool, slipping down
Exhale
Climbing up, pushing out
Inhale
Your chest a vast cavern
Exhale
And every nerve attentive
Thump thump
Not being able to speak
Should I?
Nothing is important enough to say
Is it?
You are amplified and too focused
Am I?
Every thought decaying
Thump thump
You can feel the pieces falling
Thump thump
Making your heart quiver
Thump thump
And it goes on for hours
Thump thump
Which seems like years

Thump thump
And you can't hide your fears

Thump
They focus on you

Thump
And latch onto you

Thum
They love you

Thu
Don't let them go

Th
You need them

T
And they

.
need you.
Amara Pendergraft 2013

I had a very bad night, yesterday, due to poor decision making.
I paid for it in many different ways.
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