i wonder some days if you would be happy without me because at this moment thinking that i could be without you makes me feel like i wouldnt be happy like i am now ever again do you miss me when i cant talk one day do you want to kiss me in the middle of the night when you are drifting to sleep do you realize you can break me down quicker than you could build me up legos ready to topple over
when i was 4 i was ashamed of feminity when i was 5 i started comparing myself to other girls when i was 7 i weighed myself on a daily basis when i was 8 i thought that if i wasnt skinny i wasnt beautiful when i was 10 i learned the word "****" when i was 12 i hurt myself because i didnt think i was good enough when i was 13 i wore a shirt that showed my shoulders in school. i was told i was asking for it when i was 14 i had to go to a psychologist because my self esteem was so low i wanted to die i still cant wear a skirt without someone commenting on its length i still cant speak my mind and have a man take me seriously i still cant mutter the word "feminism" without a boy looking at me like i'm **** i still look in the mirror and hate myself i still wonder if im asking for it i still worry about walking the streets alone and my brother never did i still get asked why i need feminism because being called a girl is an insult because men STILL think its all about men because im more worried about being ***** than how my grades are because no matter how smart i am, a boy is somehow better because girls still die everyday as feminism is disregarded because feminism is "a joke" because "why isnt it called equalism?" because i feel that we are worth it
i wonder how do my words effect you? your words to me are little bullets making holes in my skin it's hard to forget them they just dig in so deep scraping my bone and my soul
im so sick of feeling worthless and its because of you my mind is jumbled and my eyes sting because of you and i hate that you can make me feel so great just to knock me down like a tower of blocks because my anxiety is much stronger than me
i identify with flowers a lot not because theyre beautiful and lively and independent but because i am weak and i am wilting and im waiting for someone to pick me
will i be forgotten like him kicked aside and left alone promises that i mean the world to you how many times have you used that line why does it still make me feel remarkable my heart is an eggshell ready to shatter at your steady strong hand and then tossed to the trash not even worth a memory not sweet enough i guess
if you looked right into my eyes and said i was beautiful without hesitation i would look straight back into your eyes lean in close and say you're a liar
beautiful, beautiful are your lies engulfing me slowly, desolving in tears maybe, just maybe you are telling the truth "ignorance is bliss, *** didn't they tell you?" never did i ever believe i'd cry over you every night
you keep saying that it'll be ok and that you love me but you never said most quiet voices whispering that they are so much better to you than i ever could be i want to tell them thats a lie and i love you with my whole heart but the voices are relentless and tell me you dont feel the same
it has just occured to me that most of these poems (if they're worthy of the title "poems") are about you and how one minute everything seems to be going fanastic and then you take your toxic charms and make me feel like ****