if only he knew
that every time
i look at him
i see a galaxy
a galaxy
too far
away
from
me.

my choking words suffocated me
a hangman's rope around my neck.
their eyes were sunlit fires, staring at me
judgement and damnation aflame.
I cursed them, I cursed myself,
but again my words suffocated me.
I cried silent on the bathroom floor
in a heap of broken dignity.

I used to cut out my tongue
so I couldn't tell anyone my secrets
and I cut off my ears so that
I couldn't hear myself scream it.
I would lay on the floor, ignoring
ignoring the blood that poured
from my eyes–my mouth
from my ears and my heart.

I thought myself a single crack
a single crack in a castle made of glass
a mistake in perfection made
a stormy day, a moment ignored.
I groaned at my reflection
and an empty soul stared back.
I rained a world's worth of water
no sunshine came and no flowers bloomed.

but you saw me and embraced me
you danced in my rain and I saw
how beautiful you danced in me.
you learned sign language for me
and taught me how to speak again
and washed away my blood.
you made my ugliness beautiful
and I found I loved my beautiful.