Is this some new way of motivation
because this is the best motivation I've had to die.
Nothing hurts more than when blood says your not smart.
You only think you are.
It pushes you to be someone yes.
but what's sad, is that it pushes you away from them.
Now motivation to prove how dumb they were,
for making you feel empty, nothing, irresponsible scumbag.
My mom once said the same,
every year she apologizes, saying it was the moment.
It broke us, forever, but I still NEED her.
I know any day, my own dad would choose that old hag of a girlfriend over me.
Anything over me for the matter.
That broke me, but I still Need him in my life.
From day one, the one I grew with,
has cast over me the ugliest spells a witch could come up with.
from worthless, fool, and again, IM NOT SMART.
This is the worst kind of motivation a parent could set trap for their child,
for in that trap, only one gets out, if they get out.
Then you think, you say,
Just watch how ill prove them wrong, show em my true worth.
then you realize, its too late, only one option out.
for you cant prove yourself in a day or two, this needs time.
This option isn't to be brainwashed, bow down to their ever beacon and call.
NO
This option is the only option motivation gives you.
NOW. or Never
and if it isn't now, then you know what your option is.

She was known to me from the year before,
her personality, links and appearance not sure.
She got the attention of her people, quite early and good.
First impressions last, well at least they should,
but this impression was unsure as things started to change.
Her colours showed slowly, we thought she was tamed.
Wild animals we refer to them as.
In a country like this, your in another class,
another level, another category, specie on a whole.
To keep everything cool and normal was her goal.
Her personality and appearance all a facade.
Fake, Hipocricy, she doesn't want to be called,
called out, for usually females have the treasure and men the key.
For now we now have all found out that she, is a he.
He has a lover, who is secretly supposing him.
He claims so, but he's caught,.. in his eyes the light dim.
He starts to sweat as he was exposed,
luckily friends will remain friends, but an addition to foes.
The christian appearance to fit with society.
Instead of football and roughness, there's peace; calamity.
It was expected but unexpected, but he or she gave it away.
So lest you forget, to read it today, remember the specie who walked about happy; gay.
For the day we saw him her as his her own lover, with his her smile and glee.
Displayed on the screen his her lover, was also a he.

We worry about our thoughts,
The way we talk, the way we walk.
We are too easily embarrassed by the little "fails" we make each day.
When he only thinks they are funny, creating a lighter way,
to look at things, on the brighter side, you feel a little better,
about yourself, your flaw, all written in a love letter.
I like to write, it shared my emotions, Using metaphors,
and other figurative devices, techniques that are used as emotional cures.
You ever wonder if what you're saying is right,
or things you bring up, might give the poor boy a fright.
When really, he didn't say anything to bring that thought across,
just you assuming, by his ok, so you toss,
you toss your heart out to him even more, convinced you're a ******.
He LOVES you, you want to deny it, you don't feel you deserved to be love. R.I.L... not a typo.
R.I.L , rest in love, for in love you are truly never rested enough, insatiable hunger and thirst for more,
either to give or receive, you want to make sure he's sure, that you're sure.
but surely one day, it shall rest, for true love, is behind the blinds, hidden in a corner, beware,
beware of the emotional damaged, the psychotics, the stalkers, the late night talkers, the clingers, the criers, the touchy, the huggers, the takers, the jealous, the moody, the miserable, the laughers, the lifetime movie watchers, the imaginations, the achy ones, the ones with the weird fetish.
For behind the wet paint sign, if you choose to ignore a warning,
you most likely will slip and fall, fall in love.
It is not something you can comprehend so quickly, but takes time to digest,
through our heart and pumped out again, by one of those weird symptoms mentioned above.
Well all you got to do is relax, truly sleep, kick back and relax,
let the mind sore and let your inner chi ride roller-coasters,
let it come back, lets wake up and sing,
shrugs her shoulder it's girl thing.

I see myself as emotionally damaged, soul damaged.
Selfish, Clingy, Miserable, unnecessary baggage.
I get these emotions and questions randomly.
I wonder if you forgot, or if i'm just too clingy.
I ask myself a question, my answers always blame,
but is it me? Am I just too confident to take the shame?
I wonder how you talk to me, what do you want with a girl like me?
I wonder how these people deal with a child like me.
wanting so much from the world, everything perfect,
spoiled little brat! why are you dumb! you haven't worked to deserve it.
You knew she was going to have a high chest!
I blame you! myself! for not being the best.
Why didn't you come back the same time, did you forget!?
do you get tired of talking to me, did you forget?
maybe i'm not your girl, i'm too messed up, greedy for the attention,
I forget you have a life too, looking for love you mentioned.
Popularity, Wealth, Branded Cars, A money Making job, A movie husband are all the things I've wished for.
To be liked by everyone, respected, looked high upon, smart, rich, beautiful, I want more.
Insatiable specie, what do you deserve, want nothing good, nothing bad, why cant you be normal!
OK
OK
I despise the word, it breaks my train of thought, my vibes.
you say it, ill only say it back, it might not have much of an effect on you. To be queen perfect I try.
You need someone who stays normal. I have my random behaviors,
all I really want is for you to play the script right, go on with the routine, tell me how wrong I am, be the...
Too strong of a praise. Only God can get, I deny I pushed him away, forgive the lost one I beg.
Soul surgery, I need to be fixed.
fixed so I can stop worrying, dreaming, failing.
All have been the battery that keeps me going, gives me power, i'm paling
dreams, failure, something I avoid, because both are related some how.
Failure, is your dreams crushed, and you dream not to be a failure.
Sometimes you wake up.

Here we go again.
I like you, you like me too,
I love you, you love me too.
Then I get obsessed.
Obsessed with talking to you, making you smile, laugh, interested.
When truly, its just slowly running you away.
Kmt. This ****** business aint gonna work. Maybe I really do have a problem. I just need to keep it calm.
Once I've done it, there's no escape.
I live in a life I didn't chose but directed.
I wish I was a mind reader, what are you thinking.
I'm going too fast,

What I feel, after what you said. It hurt my feelings.
And I chose to forgive and dismiss it.
For I know what this is.
An obsession for love, to be loved, our love.

Figure out the password.
The only way you could do that, is if you were the mystery machine itself.
It stands alone, by itself, clustered with other machines.
The mystery machine is an investigator, figuring out what other machines are up to. Their own password.
Then a human comes.
Trying to figure out the mysteries of, Mystery Machine. Why does he cry, when its not allowed to have emotions, why does it fall in love, with whom does it trip with. Why does it have malfunctions, but auto repairs anytime, he comes to find out the mysteries. He has a handbook. He twisted, and turned the ****, gave the ***** a little jiggle, Opened the head and climbed inside. Everyday people would walk by the mystery machine, and try to look inside of it. But all they could see was a child locked up inside, sleeping for comfort, living inside a mystery.

A "MAN" must learn to commit to the inner woman before in a woman.