I’m exhausted from all the pressure
Why even bother if I’ll never succeed
I’ve begun to realize that I’ll never
Be able to quench the world’s selfish greed
All the past negativity used to be my motivator
But lately it’s become more of an anchor

My best is never enough, it’s quite onerous
Even taking a breath seems nodulous

If I could change one thing
I’d have listened to the adults
And I would now believe
To hate growing old

I’d go back to a happier time
Call it happy if you may

I’d go back to a life of deception
Before I realized the lack of affection
A time before life’s lies were clear
Before I hated the silhouette of the mirror

I’d go back to my days of innocence
Where there wasn’t a care to be felt
I’d ignore the hate of others
And undo the acknowledgment of individuals
I would hate myself less
And I wouldn’t be afraid to be heard

I’d teach my younger self the world is cruel
And I’d realize nothing lasts forever
I’d had rid myself of nights filled will ghouls
And today would be easier had I discovered

Life gets better, as people always quoted
But one thing was never noted
Things get better, but they can also get worse
Nothing lasts forever is a statement obverse

But I do not have the soul power
To change what can’t be undone
So I’ll live with the memories
To learn from my mistakes,
And try to better myself
And my future

What has happened to today's society
Everything to be seen is sickening
Hardly anyone is true to their word
And friendship is considered absurd
They're suppose to be there through thick and thin
But all is thrown away when shown a little skin
Where exposing bodies has been revered
And it's morally acceptable to play smear the queer
Seemingly betrayal is accepted more and more
A grand fest of backstabbing galore
It's better to be alone, where there's no deception
Where truth can be found in a simple reflection

But the truth in others is as fake as can be
Because the only truth is that there are only lies in this reality
No one truly can appreciate all that is done
Unless they're being mistreated; it is no longer fun
Suppose friends lurk in the shadows plotting a sinister deed
Implanting it unknowingly in our minds growing from an evil seed
Many are trapped here wondering who to trust and who to not
Getting lost in this ever lasting thought
Spit in the face by an enemy or stabbed in the back by a friend
Who should be trusted; what differences does it make in the end

I'm not really sure of where I stand
Of my importance of who I am
Everything has been ever so really
Hopeless and dreary
A land of wasted effort
With all my hopeless endeavors
I am aware my mind is corrupted
And know my very existence is destructive
Not only to myslef, but to those in which I care
Bringing an atmosphere of despair
Although I have sorrows of my own
You are easily decieved by the mask I've shown
I'm aware of you're sincere unhappiness
I can feel pain with each needing kiss
Though you believe that my eyes are decieved
My love you are wrong
I see every wince of pain, and my heart urns with guilt
For the very destiny I partook and have built
I know there is not much I can do for you now
So I figured at least give my best and love with a vow
I know there is pain far beyond my compensation
But you cannot be driven by self-mutilation
I guess you will believe I am too blind see
But my love it hurts to know what I've done
So I'm sorry I cannot be the very best of the best
But I will give you all of me, at least what is left
In hope that you live your life, whether short or long,
Full of love and affection, for as long as you hold on
Now I cannot will you stay for that is selfish
I just hope in the fure you won't feel so helpless

As a young child, I lived in fear
Fear of the unknown, the chaotic
My mind perceived shadows
As monsters of my subconscious
The creaks of the house settling
Rustling in the bushes
Rose thorns scratching
Against the window
Like little gremlins whispering
"Let me in, let me in!"
Even the pitter patter of rain
Was like the cries of the
Abandoned children clawing
The house, tearing it apart,
Almost as if their small,
Calloced fingers ripped
Apart my mind, drowning me
In guilt, the dirt of my short but
Horrid past under their fingernails
The same nails that tear through
My skin as their fingers wrap around
My throat, leaving me gasping for a breath
Allowing me just enough air to wallow over
My own demons and dread the future
But then something clicked in my mind
I no longer feared the gremlins
Or abandoned children
I acceptthem with open arms,
Listening to their tales of terror,
And discover I, too,was just like them