I don't want anything.

I'm happy with what I've got.

staying put in places where I have opportunities to better myself
finding that life is a bore and I am a prisoner to it
coming and going from place to place with pure intention to bring something to the table.

here we are folks, in the best **** place you could ever find yourself
with everything you've ever wanted and more.
let's get moving
time doesn't wait
it simply wastes.
so listen with an open mind while you're in the audience
'cause that's your job.
perform with gusto and passion,
you don't want to disappoint.

keeping together through poetry
not running, but walking, home
the Fall is not so much as a leap
as a gentle floating from Summer
the Heat searing shut wounds
from the bitter chill of
Winter's thrusts,
broken trusts,
tucked guts,
now spreading out in gusts
of feeling in the wind,
the chill of Winter
returning, in tickles
down my spine, my sides,
curling, I twist, and hide.

maybe I did
                      all the things
that I shouldn't
maybe I have
                        dreams
that send beams
of light c a  s  t i  n  g
            s h a d o w s


or was it my shadow casting me?

I don't think it was all a dream

hour by hour
soaking in the time
no more numbing my reality
step by step
the adventure begins
my journey brings me delight

Is it strange to want to be alone?
to feel so small at home?
to be half alive and soak into your soul?

I've seen myself a million ways
and spent so many more.
I'm so tired of all my thrills being
the completion of another chore.

Yes, I rhyme these days it's true.
Because I've found distraction, and
it might be you. Something pure,
there is no cure. There is a day
I know I will show you.
Let's call it my "day to prove".

The day you learn
that
all my poetry
has been written for you.

I want to serenade you in my marinade
until you're good and hot
but this fever dream you're lost in
has everything I don't want
I tell you that I miss you
but it seems that you've forgot
the distance between us doesn't matter
when it's true love that we've got

you tell me that you're broken
and then you leave me bruised
I know your pain is important
yet you need to understand that
it is no excuse

to get lost in feelings is something
that I know too well
I'm here to remind you that you're stronger
than your demons spell
in you turmoil I will not faulter
and you must do the same
I will always be here for you
in your vulnerability there is no shame

I've been around the block and back
and seen these men play their tricks
children in their minds
only thinking with their *****
I am full of power,
strength you've yet to see
so when you say you love me,
it's not easy to believe

Trust is not a given
it's earned as well as shared
little things you do can build
or simply leave me teared
so if you want to hold me
and keep me in your heart
then don't go sneaking playing games
or you'll break what we have apart

when all we have are words
to express the ways in which we feel
the silence can be deafening
when I know you're not being real

All I have is what I am
and what I give to myself
I will share with you each part of me
until I've given my whole self
but with words you leave unspoken
I feel I fall apart
tattered are my pieces
yet still a work of art
be careful of the things you hide
beneath my translucent heart
I can see straight through the *******
and I will have no part!

I was bored and lonely
wanted to be like everyone else
be liked by people
love and be loved
**** and get ******

something about getting kicked out of the house
really brings a new meaning to the term
"rock&roll"
sleeping on the streets
it's not so easy to forgive
the people
who gave you so many chances
the people
who had finally had enough
I know I know
I left because I felt like I needed to truly experience
the worst of the worst to then be able to truly experience
the best of the BEST
"the world is my oyster," I think is how the saying goes?
well ****, I've never even seen an oyster
and I hate the smell of the ocean
(I mean really people? you like that?)
anyway...

I have learned that if you plant a seed, it will grow
seeds as in vegetables
but also seeds as in
metaphorical seeds
the seed that I had planted in my mind
and committed to was for
truly understanding what my favorite writers had gone through
and talked about in their works.
I felt that if I experienced it,
truly,
then perhaps I could understand,
fully.

I have felt what it is like to be
more empty than empty.
the words broken and shattered
couldn't even come close enough to reach my shadow.
there were no words to describe
what I was going through at the time.
I was too busy dying
to write.
Now, I'm getting busy living
to write.
Now, I must write.

I had my hurrahs and my hooray's
but it's back to the pages and the books
and the games
and the food
and bringing myself home.
To the place I can call home.
where I can create.

Back to the poetry,
as I back away from my demons.

you know they call it spirit for a reason?
you know they call them spirits for a reason?

the drinking
the drugs
the cigarettes
the lovers
lost friends
cold nights
hard nights
frightened yet still
confident

It takes time to  
come back to
yourself
                               after trying to lose
(and most of the time succeeding)
                                                           yourself.

I've done a 180.
Never want to leave.

I'm home.