I'm so glad that
I don't
gotta worry
about no one
but me.

something rang in my mind
came to find, soon you'll see
                        that I just don't
got the time
                                  to rewind
to recognize the trace
of another nostalgic smell
when the sun through the window
heats my flesh,
all I know is
                      it's morning.

the lonesome rising
                                  feels heavy
starting the day
                            ready to shut down
closing you out
removing all doubt
that this confidence
will only commence
while communicating
without speech,
                            without sound.

the words once spoken
retreated, too often, repeated.
misconstrued and misconducted
no more pieces, reconstructed.

verbalization once was key
yet now it's plain and clear to see
actions speak volumes,
heights in which words
will never reach.

no more explaining,

I'm sick
of the preaching
the controlling
confuse for teaching.

words are a tool
best used to enhance
or clarify
any given situation.

I'm so glad that
I don't
gotta worry
about no one
but me.

Keep myself safe
in my head,
empty bed,
no more dread.

Today,
I'm no more alive
than I am dead.

raining:
smells clean,
cold. sky,
a smoky mass
of liquid.

seems fitting
look your best
seems ripping
confidence shot
through your legs
don't you dare
start shaking

emotions
wild, and
untamed.
actions in
a frenzy
unnamed
bone held
kisses are
stinging
your flesh.
an eruption
of action
cradled
in malice.
intentions?
no direction.
attention?
dissection.
innocent?
objection!!

lights on
dress up
lights off
get down
sun's up
shake off
sun's down
take on...

consequences with no direction
actions without thought or reason
no wonder all the courtesy
was more than just teasing
with two broken hearts
one might slow the pounding,
or maybe take another beating.

a glass 1/4 full,
            3/4 poisoning me.
a gift from the devil,
once a charming fellow,
but he encouraged me to swallow.
"Drink, drink! Enjoy the mystery,
don't stop to think. Drink, drink!"

encouragement towards destruction
break your fist on my plastered heart
you've got the strength for construction,
a ******* art, tear me apart with your
actions, distractions!! your lips are poison,
no more sweet than ****.

doubtfully beneficial
for either party, who's
to say who knows best?

each action has a reaction
a movement of the tongue,
lips, hands, teeth, fist, just
the same, ends with another
consequence.

"Think, think!" the black angel rings,
"Think, think! You were never King!"

THEIF!! theif!!

you've taken what was not yours to take
accepted what you should have denied
wanted to find some sort of paradise?
maybe you should have stopped gazing
when you met his eyes, let yourself cry
alone, where you belong. never should
have opened a black-holed, back-breaking
always-aching, can't help from taking, heart.
not only a wreckage of your own faults,

the battlegrounds for healing:
day one.

what is this familiar feeling?

sunlight shines through the sheets
my eyelids too thin to keep shielded,
or dreaming. fast like a Cadillac, ready
to attack the first cup of coffee, the "last"
spliff bowl, confused conversations, heavy
fingers typing carefully, backspace backspace
backspace backspace, erase slowly, think
harder less, heartlessly charmless, bad
luck, wouldn't have guessed this
past-track record would keep
repeating, over and over,
until all sound is lost
except for the tck
tck tck of each
letter, as I
create.

living in a fantasy
nothing feels
real
nothing feels
right

twenty years old
still cold
in the light

if only my hands
were tied
skin never eyed

mouth zipped
words
no longer on my mind

teach me to touch
without having to hide
or shaking my pride
you're the shore
that's wrecked
by my tide

nothing feels
real
nothing feels
right

over-stimulation
leads to
mis-communication

a never ending summer
left a foul taste in my mouth
a stench on my clothes
and far too many take backs,
ten-dollar scratchers, and lessons on
how to properly **** yourself.

maybe the word
                            no
could have dropped out of my mouth
instead of my lips closing down
left to drown in my broken shell.
I felt so pale, no gold inside, just a joke
just a plague.
there's no mistake
I'm gonna bake
this summer come
but won't be numb,
will no longer crumble at the sight
no longer hide away my eyes, maybe
find myself at night with a friend
I hold too tight. I stay up late,
can't help but write.

all my thoughts, they're here for the taking.
staircase downward falling
against walls, she crawls,
feels like something forgotten,
keeps on running, unburies thoughts,
she hides no more, she's here for the taking.
sometimes poetry's repeating all the beating
we try to hide, but it's also gathering the feelings
that we often take for granted,
mistake that our lovers are ourselves
that their shame and crime is intertwined
with the person you have come to find
when you look in the mirror
or the eyes of another,
when you speak to your mother
or to a friend whose lost some other
part of themselves they see in you
so they talk and act on through
try not to hurt or shame, it's a humble game
experience doesn't always have to be defeating
when we can't help ourselves from greeting
all the travelers from their homelands,
looking for deeper meaning.

words can be whatever you make them
it's an expression of thought, communication
is one of the most incredible attributes to being human.
a voice is a projection of your breathing mixed with feeling.
next time I'll try to say more of what matters
and less of what I don't care is best.
this life is a lesson, there's no way to fail,
it's not a test.

evening talks
into morning
walks home
stronger alone

his bones are the needles
that ***** ink into my skin
I can't begin to fathom
the nerve stinging print
that sends me ringing
in my collar bones,
which ache from oversleeping,
can't see anyone today
I'm too busy dreaming.