woke up back to back with another piece of myself and
tried to absorb dreams through his sleeping.
these attempts proved how useless a lot of what led to this moment were.
I’m clean, and in the dregs of my suffering heart,
playing my strings, smacking my keys, snapping with rings
of bruises. grease stains on my skin.
he was good *** in the moonlight
but he didn’t bring me the pleasure I so often seek.
“If I can’t find love with you, I’ll find it somewhere else.”
he’s a tangled leg, a darkened face
a mirrored mask.
I see him in the colors he avoids
in his search for solitude.
now it’s my turn.
and I’m going to bend.

i'm a half way hill short
of decent remarks.
definitely juvenile.
public dancers
gave me chances
to prove myself while
confidence drove me home,
and there wasn't a single complaint.

the best of us hide
because we know what's good for us.
killing something because it's expendable isn't an excuse
scream at me longer,
I want to bathe in the passion you reveal.
leaving early
the game was too intense
to keep playing.
adventure can seem fleeting
when all you focus on is fleeing.
self-corruption at it's finest
in the form of getting over
and going
beyond.
although these feelings can be more difficult
you'll realize what was there,
(nearly invisible),
before breaking
             and
             soaking
through.

at which point do we understand the desire of our longing?
do we eat the apple because we were told to, or is it the hunger
within ourselves that takes hold of the opportunity with it's teeth?

falling to our knees at feeding time
we've given chance clearance
in a crowded pathway of such desire
that so forwardly pushes
with elbows
soft as kisses, and eyes sharp as needles.
we need less to say
we shouldn't say a thing.

temptation to forget.

we think things over
and fold ourselves in
positions so that our
warmth carries and
passes through one
layer of skin to the next.

waiting and rushing
sinking and flushing
cover the hushing with laughter!
you've become so friendly, so distant.
jokes and jealousy,
they thought they matched flawlessly.
a web of sweet musings
we're wrapped in the choosing's.
forgiving mistakes....

talk me up. talk me up. talk me up.
enter my exit
say yes turn
back around
find the next fit.
looking at me for the first time,
you're more prepared for this than I am.

you've got a heart in your palm.
I take your blade to my flesh to make sure I've still got one,
realize you've got mine and as soon as it's healed you drop it back into place.
I forgot what it was like, hearts are so heavy.
I'm a snow flake, falling onto flesh, and melting,
through my eyes, broken faucets, you turned me on,
shut me out, won't turn me off.

passion's forgetful in a whirlwind.
wrap me up in a cocoon, keep me numb.
I see you've been breaking glasses,
cutting off the tips of your fingers,
you make me nervous. beginnings make me nervous.

you let me explore your mountain
and I found caves that were brighter
than daylight so I left them to you,
it wasn't my place to stay.

you're a dark shark with soft teeth
shaved cheeks and smooth grease.

I'm an open eyed shadow looking
for sparks to dance in. If I could learn
to balance my darkness in the light
then my moves would be seen clearly
and I could catch my mistakes before I
leave my pieces on the board in places
where I'd so obviously lose them.
there's nothing left for me to do but keep playing.
although I make puddles, I'll laugh
to soak them up. it's refreshing
this feeling,
it's a wound but it's healing.
you put something into a pocket
because you want to keep it close
and see it again.
you put something in a hole
because you want to lose it
or it's dead.

I gave you permission to eat my remains
so clean off my plate, wipe off my face.
the younger you are the stronger the hunger
for flesh for adventure for change.
constant,
constant,
change.
perhaps I should have cut you when I had the chance.
then we'd both be healing at the same time.

balancing punches against my waist line
with creatures and cancers that got
close enough to figure me out.
fingers nestled and danced with a thin boys spine
they spooned honesty
through quick teeth with
impossible intentions.
never planning but learning lessons.
planting gardens around
a king on his throne
soft as sand
who gets thrown
off by the sweetness
that floods through his veins
when a tender lipped tulip
breaks and bends in front of his eyes.
wilting in water
and falling on pine, a look from a mother
and they're dead right on time.
grasping fortunes for reference
as to cause birthed through preference.
fouled by income, the souls follow in some
and the door is unlocked like in a waiting room
but no one ever dared to get up and walk out.

this soft silence has me feeling
that there isn't enough to go around.
you're rose petals on black tile,
             indulgence at it's finest.
a dimple twitch, a train to which
station?
motivation,
obligation,
                  regurgitation.
I've been left out, cut out, burnt out.
take my feathers
make arrows
slice through my skin
make wine.
kiss my wounds, attack my goodness,
give me bruises, I'm fine!

I'm lifted
you're gifted
got me
on the edge of
both sides
of your line
shove my face
smash my face
trash my cash and mash
mash mash, until there's bleeding.
-I haven't made it there... yet.

trying to decide what to do with my time
waiting for the wash, dreading the dirt that clings
to clean cheeks and it's only been a few weeks
but I'm burning in madness.

to entertain you would be golden
my brain is swollen with stepping
and it makes me want to be alone.

negative exports, I'm an expert at drowning
with one foot placed firmly on the ground,
the other in my mouth.