perception shift
a swift lift into another dimension.
tangled vines, chord, cord, record each step
to a picnic in the mountains.
the back of this van feels much larger
than my bladder, and my grip on what to say
removed everything I wanted to complain,
this liquid is a drain.

my record at paying attention
is unusually retreating this evening.
lack of thoughts spilled out all over your kitchen floor.
hidden shame in the cheeks of a burning face,
pounding heart faster than pounding drums
so I stick to a hum and try not to walk on the carpet.

trying to be careful
while trying not to care at all

hair drips over me like rain
open the windows and fall asleep with socks on
avoid the pain, of a twisted neck from where you slept.
wake up
I hear you singing
and smile
and laugh
and mash into the pillows beneath my comforter.
       give me something to dance to!
I'm alone and the dresser seems friendly,
still I take the weekends off for the presidents
some say sleeping on sunday is a sign of respect for religion
really ringing in rear-back
bare back
roads, and hills
of skin and bones
that stab you and grab you
goodnight!
                  it's raining.
don't you dare shut the window.
          I double dare you, don't want to share you,
but I will. the old shackles were beaten with brand new keys.
it'd be good to know a lock smith in times like these.

treat me like an Emergency Exit Only sign
good morning is a warning, you must be awake
standing on a rock at the library
we trick ourselves into good times
and
words
look
beautiful
when
they're
alone
         and
         so
         do
         people.
I'm    alone, but I don't feel beautiful
                           and I don't feel ugly,
happy to be alive. Ready to explode
around
you.
       Anxiously waiting, accepting
                                      rejection:
oddities, such as leaking,
                                 are unavoidable. and
you
will
try
to make faces and *** calls.
    I'm no longer on the end to
pick
up. I'm
           dropped off, not waiting:
                                moving forward.
smiling.

intriguing, yes.
fleeting, yes.
waving hello like a helium balloon taped to a mail box.
flap
     flap
smack!

"Share your body, spread your love."

stumbling while leaning against a wall
your eyes are wider than when we kissed
and it felt worse than saying goodbye,
more than anything
wanting to forget how good it feels
to hold each other
                                                           you push me away.

kiss me, I whine.
your tongue tastes like peppermint slime
oozing words that avoid the intended conclusions of your premises
broken promises   [unspoken, I'm choking].

I'll **** you out before breakfast.

I'm a baby, much older, much younger.
I'll cry myself to sleep.

another one!
another one!
another one?
YES!

these are the days that remind me of you
look where we are! standing right in front of each other
wondering if it'll ever be enough, I want it to be.

pink background that turns my eyes black, shows my skin
how to shrink close to my bones, shows my insides how to
expand and layer and peel, repeate old habits, accept all.
Say, Yes! yes always to all ways because the barriers of love
are insecurities easily torn down in the moments before sleep
and release.

I'll let you go, watch you sink
ring myself out, bring my concentration out in a wet handful of your saliva
stick my tongue out for you to catch, flap it around in a white line of purity
based around my neck: inhalations!

destruction of self-pity
here we go again!
here we go for the first time: together.
bunches of banana colored lace
you're tangled
           so cute
                       it's stupid.

cracking my knuckles in anticipation
I want to make love in the streets
make love to myself, and make love
to people I don't know.

silence and reading
and testing and cheating
my vocabulary is reaching out across the dinner table
looking for something your laughter will reply to.

all my portals are open in your innocence
and removing age, removing space
some one who feels horrible for ignorance: silence
I'll fill those holes, create my own
so you're not alone.
problemsproblemsprob
lemsproblemspro
blemsproblem
s. blemishes,
redish and sore
soarsoresoar
so
our
truths
revealed
with the lights off
and the moon brighter than the sun
and not at all blinding, I'm howling and
you're glowing and what I would give to
have that tug kiss jump pull run and hide.

Stagnant.
Screaming in wet clothes
from the sprinklers in the ground
to the water that sprays on the windows
while you spray inside of them and create
what you'd destroy if you knew it existed.

With a laugh like Santa Claus I keep each day same as Christmas,
**** your blessings and your gifts,
I'll keep them in the same closet I kept myself.

Most of the good stuff is gone
but some of it stayed. Laughing for
one more day, tearing at the facts.
Too much all at once, I'm slower because
I know her. She's much too beautiful.

Empty and overflowing
all this patience is unknowing.

The faces you make when you create,
looks like pain, silk burning,
holding in what will **** you,
(anyone can-             fill you),
but sometimes it's better to fill yourself
when you're ready to explode.

Everyone goes alone, but you're smiling about it,
and I'm smiling too, and holding onto memories,
letting go of explanations and descriptions, all read
brick and brown brick tipping over in the wind.
Snow storms calling on your birthday, lets sit in warm puddles
and eat pie.

Did you see her cry? I think I've made a breakthrough
with my speech. Speaking clearly: it's so nice to see you.
Almost nice to see people I don't like
because I've stopped giving a ****.

I didn't see her cry, but she was eaten first.

Felt myself at the pinnacle of what rage
used to be. We call it making love,
but I feel like you're just waiting to die.

Can't keep you happy for long,
just entertaining myself while you wallow,
it's hard to swallow, because I can't seem to turn you on.

I'm useless.