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Feb 2014 · 514
An Unfamiliar Perception
payton Feb 2014
I’m not so familiar with this perception
That I’m enduring.
I acquire it when I can’t talk to you;
And when you don’t say
"I love you", back.

It’s quite silly, I guess.
I should know that you love me,
But it’s still there,
It still exists
As just a feeling.

This feeling will embark
When I see you again.
Yet, it will only recompense
When we abdicate, once more.
Feb 2014 · 560
The "Ah-ha!" Moment
payton Feb 2014
I finally found a way to describe the feeling.
You know that feeling you get
When you’re dreaming
And you’re about to fall?
Whether it be off of a building
Or a cliff…
You know the feeling right?
Well, that’s it.
My adrenaline ascends
Then descends as I take that first step,
into nothingness.
Right before I hit the ground,
I wake up,
And I realize how happy I am
To be with you;
Where I am,
And how I got to be here.
It’s incredible.
Feb 2014 · 621
Drive-in Movies
payton Feb 2014
we went to drive in movies
and ate stale popcorn
and ****** in the back
on the torn up leather seats
of my disheveled little
pick up truck
Feb 2014 · 214
payton Feb 2014
i think about you a lot
and what it’d be like to live with you
and be with you all the time
and actually have you here with me
and how i’d be able to come up to you at random
and kiss you on the cheek and hug you from behind
and just “love” you like love is supposed to be.

i think about how we used to be
and how all we used to do was make eachother smile
and laugh
and how happy you used to be
and how much i miss that.

i think about your smile and how great it was
to know that i was the one who made you happy.
i think about how much of a **** up i am.

i think about how so many people love me
but for the wrong reasons
because i am never myself around anyone anymore.

i cant even begin to tell you what i would be like
if i were myself.
Feb 2014 · 526
The City
payton Feb 2014
Cars beeping at other cars,
Cars beeping at people,
Trucks, taxis, lines,
People in lines, stores, people in stores,
People speaking different languages,
Buildings towering overhead, people in offices.
It smells of gasoline.
A couple more blocks and it smells like
Then sweat.
People left, people right.
Trains, boats, subways.
Bookstores, coffee shops.
People yelling,
Homeless people with sleeping bags,
Apartments, houses.
Feeling the wind on your skin
Gives you forceful chills,
Up your spine
Down your arms to your fingertips,
Awakening your body.
Awakening your body so you can’t
The sounds.
The sounds of the streets,
Plummeting through your,
Like a siren.
You can hear the sirens.
The closer it gets, the harder it is to
A million things race through your mind at once.
Your anxiety goes
Then down.
Now you feel the
You’re just one.
One of the
No one cares about
What you look like
Or what you
But you
To impress them
It’s just like you’re a spec of
Floating in an open
No one cares,
But you try
Feb 2014 · 1.3k
payton Feb 2014
You scare me… but, it’s not a bad thing. You make me feel this feeling that’s indescribable. It’s unreal. There is positively no way to even describe this feeling. I crave you. I crave your presence. You bring me to a state of extreme euphoria. When I feel vacant, there’s only one thing that can alleviate that absence of feeling… and that’s you. You’re everything. I know it’s only been a few days, but oh, God, have I fallen in love with what seems unreal; fictional, really. I can’t seem to fathom how I could possibly cross paths with somebody so alluring; so euphonious, and felicit; someone who could convoke such a feeling of incandescence inside of me. I chose you out of everyone else, quintessentially because I long for your affiliation. I am enamored of the way you make me feel when I’m around you. I feel safe with you and want to be with you above all other people in this world. I love you.
Feb 2014 · 284
I don't know
payton Feb 2014
I don’t know
What we talk about
Or what we are saying.
I just know that I’m listening,
And I know that you’re listening,
And that makes me feel content;
Like I finally have someone who
Will listen
To all of my *******
And all of my sob stories
And all of everything
No matter how long you have to sit there
And wait for me to be okay, again.
I finally feel like I did something right.
I feel like this choice
Was something
That wasn’t just a “choice”.
Like this “something” was meant to happen.
All I’m saying is
I love you,
And for once I know,
That is not a lie,
And will never,
Not even once,
Be one.
Feb 2014 · 224
payton Feb 2014
i kind of miss those late nights
when we'd stay up talking
even when we couldn’t keep our droopy eyes from closing.
i stayed up because i wanted to.
i stayed up because talking to you
was one of the few things that kept me happy.
you kept me happy.
i don’t know what i did to myself by leaving you.
i miss every little thing.
from the cuddles, the hugs, the kisses, and the laughs.
to the nights where i'd want you next to me
with a cup of tea
and a selection of poems.
you smile.
but i don’t know what i want anymore.
it’s kind of hard, actually.
making a decision.
do i really want this?
or am i just falling in love with being in love
because i don't know
if i want to go through everything
and again
just to get hurt
once more.

— The End —