Carelessly
A wet Icarus
seeks
her frozen sun
and sinks

When all butterflies are frozen too deep
Lifeless and brittle in the snow
The touch of summer you gave me to keep
Still thaws and brings life like spring,  you know

Attention apprehensive affliction
Becoming begging believing (in)
Chaotic collapses creations
Demanding demolition degeneration (and)
Epic enlightened endings,
Fake fantastic flows (and)
Greater glamour gore (inside)
Hedonistic homemaker hope
Indicating irrational inspiration
Joyful jittering jugs (but)
Knowledge keeping knees
Letting lovers lose (still)
Meaning maybe more (a)
Notice nothing nepotism
Opportunity oppression ordered
Popular pages prohibited
Qua quantum quivers
Revolving random rallies
Sadly still suffocating
Toxic tension talking
Until unique universal
Virtual vanity villains
Wanton winning waves
***
Yes! You yield
Zap, zing, zoom!

I never liked silence
In my family we talk
A lot
About nothing
We talk non stop
Unless
Something serious
Comes up
Then
There's silence
Like a useless spell
Against truth

Sweet tickle of suspense

Nerves transmitting
f
lashes
of adrenaline

As I           enter
read         perceive

Words

Letters like opiates sent through

Ve
ins

Syllables become
words become
Sentences become
Unthinkable      to separate

Worlds

Impossible to leave
Suspense
seems jealousy driven

Fuels my
AD
DIC
TION

my creation
image
simulation
OF

improbable scenarios

Impropriety.    (     )     fantasies

Unfit for real life.

I stand atop

a great solid rock

watching the griant

building fall

a magnificent structure

built among rocks

to penetrate the heavens

and with a view

to sacred springs

now dry.

Now its vacant windows

welcoming the demolition

splinter like rain

and the desperately applied

scaffolding

tumbles to the sides

as its futile presence

becomes obvious.

Something in me sighs

as the majestic tower

is crushed

by the weight

of its own might

and becomes rubble

like the rest.

I go there

with cautious steps

I kick the debris

and pick up a piece

for remembrance.

I cut myself
to see the blood
the contrast of red to the white
surface
to check
if there is still a heart beating
underneath the smooth
finish

I cut my children
but they don't notice
it is more like mental cropping.
I cut emotions
into bitesize portions
they can play with
and learn to become good
cutters themselves

My husband is a cutter too
he cuts attention
into little appetizers of affection
and serves it around
wearing a big generous smile
the biggest pieces are reserved
for the screen
and the xbox controller

I cut myself open
online
words gush out of the open wound
luring predators to feed
on dangerous conversations
inviting the Devil to join
as I don't trust the angels
who once lured me into this...

Afterwards
                   Spread across sheets
Ripped
Burst

She is
Absolutely
                        Perfect

A dead sun lingers
On a darkened sky
A petrified landscape awaits me
As I set out to search the wastelands
Alone

The ground beneath me
Feels unstable
Acidic pits burn my feet
I try not to fall
Down

Night falls moonless
The stars also fail to show
And then comes the rain
Pours in sideways
Makes sheltering impossible
Futile

Like a drunken madwoman
I roam the empty streets
Of once magnificent cities
Vacant windows stare
As I pass them in
Shame

I search the ruins
For possible forgiveness
A single grain of hope
To feed my starving
Soul

I cry for help to no one
Write my confession on every wall
No one hears, no one cares
I let it all happen
Now no one is here to give me
Absolution

I see a tree in mid field
Charred like the rest
Of the cursed place
It still offers shade and a base
For narrative
Stability

Well,  I promised somebody to write
About air so I thought that I might
Try to write with a beat
Maybe shake off this heat
Flapping beats in the air I take flight

I use heatwaves as lifts to the sky
Upon gentle warm winds I fly high
I don't need any wings
Don't need any helpful things
I get upwinds from you when you sigh

perhaps it was the water
the touch of pressuring drops
and unspoken words
the larynx blocked
perhaps by water
and hands pressing skin
perhaps moist hands
and air
triggered her tears

First you need  to learn that they are blocks

compressed meaning and solid like rocks

individual meaning expressed

but combined a new thought is expressed

with a suffix sometimes they merge

and become other classes of words

thus relate becomes rela -tion and added a ship

to relate something becomes rela-tion-ship

the prefixes un-, post-, and de- , be-,for-, and  re-

alter words and direction, you see

but the real tricky thing

is keeping  track of the strings

of meaning and  –fixes, and inflectional endings

A shadow writes
Explorations of lust
And danger
Passionate endeavours
Into forbidden territory
And thus
Its civilised host
Is never compromised

there is a pain
in the abdomen
as if
a sneaking suspicion
is trying to raise itself
to the conscious self
something was hidden
a long time ago
or maybe only last week
it hurts now
it wants out

For her
he had spent all his time
building that perfect house
his brothers had all chipped in

We had children helped pick wallpaper
tiles, curtains, floors
it was all perfect
even the street name denoted idyl

It was summer when we moved in
we loved that house immensely
but she, my mother
did not move in
we would visit her over the weekend
at his best friend's house
our house was sold
with loss
to everyone

Still wearing stockings
And heels
Red hair dressed
Spread
And open
On flowery covers
But the crayons are blocking
Censoring
All entrances
Views
With bold colours
Like blood and dirt
On legs
Pillows
Flowery covers
Exits
Still relaxed
Hidden
Behind the crayons
Still in heels
Dreaming

along those lines
time has traveled
and marked its territory

along those lines
a story unfolds
and seeks to capture the reader

along those lines
is treasure, though hidden
and kept for the worthy to find

along those lines
was beauty
now buried underneath the furrows

Accept this
And another
Amazing adventure
Awaits you
Aboard an
Alternative alphabet
Ark

Begin believing
Building a barge
And a bridge
To beauty
In the blooming back yard
Of your brain
I bid you

Climb!
This creation
My careless challenge
To charge
Chivalrously
into cosmic chaos

I dare you!
Devote yourself
to dream
dizzy, delusional
dazzling deep deceptions
of dormant demons

Elevate!
Ego
Exciting emancipation
To encompass eternity
Everlasting ecstasy
Escape
With ethereal
Energy
Emitted from
Evasive effervescence
Of Eden

Fly!
Feel the fantastic fires
The fury in the furnace
Fed and fortified by
Fantasy
Forming, freeing
Freaks
Flamboyant figures
And flittering fairies

Glow!
Give me a grin
A gaze
A gift of gorgeous
Glimpses of golden gardens
With glaciers of
Gargantuan greatness

Hesitate!
No!
Hesitate not!
Hurry, make haste
Take no heed
Of heaven nor hell
Hear my heatbeat
My heart
Hear it!
Do not hinder it
With your head

Indulge!
I invite you
I insist
Insinuating
Irresistible improprieties
Idolatry
Impertinence
Improvised imperfections
On thin ice

Jest!
Play the joker
Squeeze it, juice it
Just don’t be the joke
Be a jazz piece
Juggle tones
In life’s jive
Juggle life

Kneel!
Know thy mistress
Know that she is knowledge
Knock on her door
Her knickers
Until your knuckles bleed
And know
That knowledge will keep you

Linger!
Let the longing of your *****
Linger a little
Allow your lust
To lift you
Illuminate you
Let you levitate
In liquid lucidity
Leaving the low lands
Of the ludicrous living

Move!
Make magic
Moving
Me
More
Make me
Mimic
Magnificence
Make me move

Now!
Need me
Nothing else
Near
Nobody
Now need me
Naked

Orchestrate!
Organize an ouverture
Of ******* oblivion
Obsess over the opening
Obsess, occupy
The opening
Oh!

Ponder!
Pick me
Place me
Put me on a pedestal
Paint me
Plate me with precious
Platinum
For preservation
Of perfect passion
For posterity

Que?
Always question
Quaint sequences
Faint frequencies
Question the questioners
And the questions they ask
Pourqui?

Rapture!
Rip the ropes
Riddled with regrets
Ravish and ****
Reality
Ransake inner rooms
For real rushes
Always risk
Ruin
For a rendezvous
With risk

Slither!
Slip secretly
into the streams
Below the surface
Sheets
Of my sanity
Slowly,
Softly,
Like a sword
Into sheath
Of satin
Or suede
No sound
Surely,
Just surrender!

Talk!
Tell me tales
Of tangible treasures
Of talents and truth
Trust me
Let me take charge
And take you on a tour
of the tower  

Use!
The ultimate utterance
“us”
Unconditionally
Under Utopian skies

Venture!
Vivify the visions
Of voluminous vaults
With velvetine varnish

Want!
To
Walk with me
Into wondrous worlds
Where wishes
Are washed in waves
Of
Wellbeing
Of
Wonders
Walk with me

eXcite!
Exaggerate extraordinary
Expertise in
Extravagant
Exhuberance

Yell!
Your
Youth
And youthful yearning
Out beyond your years
Yell yeah!

Zoom in!
Our zone
Of zen
Becomes a breeze
And a cold fizz drink
To create a buzz

I cannot write
My increasing vocabulary despite
I cannot capture what’s real
What I actually feel
I cannot capture
You

I can write about pain
I can write out my fears
Make you worry about me – again
I can write about strange addictions
And constructed fictions
But they cannot encompass
You

When you smile
You open my heart
And out pours my words like the Nile
It’s a strange contradiction
That from you streams my fiction
But my fictions are rarely about
you

When I write
I build castles of words
I let my demons fight
But those demons are safe on my page
They are locked in a virtual cage
This is keeping me sane for
You

When I dream
When I conjure up magical worlds
Things are not what they may seem
For they may be about finding vents
Using words as escape, making dents
But the rock upon which my castles are built
Is you
Always you

And I awoke
As if from a dream
Of perfect happy people
Living perfectly happy lives
In their perfect houses
With their perfectly tended gardens
And their perfect unmoving faces

I awoke in a strange
Yet familiar place
With lively and friendly people
Living crazy but funny lives
In their untidy houses
With their weedy and overgrown gardens
And their warm and welcoming faces

I awoke happy
To escape the horrible dream
Of that land where I didn't belong
Where I constantly slipped
On smooth surfaces
Cracking my own varnish
And thus letting the poison in

I awoke
in a place of merry forgetfulness
Where the crisis could not reach
Through the barricades of community
Hammered up with fluid nails
And jolly storytelling
Of a distant but beautiful land
With perfect and happy people

I awoke
feeling strangely at home
Though an alien, treated like family
No strings, no expectations
I awoke and was recognised
By strangers but friends of my soul
I awoke this morning
Never wanting to sleep again

absence coupled
with silence
makes this woman's
imagination
run wild

On my way here
I met a worm
and I lifted it up

out here
the trees are buried
in time's salty dunes
and on their graves
overlooking the Western Sea
are flowering heather
as tall
as the once mighty
towering oak
now dwarved

and the worm now slithers
right below their leaves

There was nothing left
...
therefore she hungered
she spent ages looking for signs
she tested
and discarded
dead symbols
and remained hungry

...
she fed on language
letters filled her starved mind
relieved her soul
while her structures
fell apart

An angel arose
from atomic adventures
all arteries aching
awaiting
another armed attack
awaiting the Antichrist
and His adversaries
aching for his all encompassing alterations
alternative altars
and
apochryphal alphabets…

Would the poet in his elevated state
of illuminated enhancement of
conscience,
would he picture the beauty in this
figure
this face
not to act upon it
but to ponder and capture
in its truest essence of being
this figure
and this face
their transcience of colour
for eternity to marvel at?

Would he,
the poet, perceive
and capture this?

I have this fear                                                                                
                                                 Of Spiders
                                                 Of webs
                                                 Of entanglement.                                            
In threads of
Commitment                                                                            
to an everyday lack of
                                                Excitement,                                    
                                                Enchantment,                                                        
                                                Involvement
Of Spiders.                                              
Unpredictable Lurking
near their diamond spun circles

Of melifluous
entrapment

I would not want to escape
Consumption
Being wrapped                                                            
in silky smooth lies
Promoting *******                                        
of my self respect

The addiction
causing venom to spread
Already pumping                                                                                
Adrenaline
Endorphine rush

I have this fear of losing
myself
In this

I  knew that he would be lost
I had played in the garden before
And despite his heroic might
He would perish like all those before

I had seen many heroes go in
And with crowd cheers thus end their days
For not one had been seen again
Once they entered the legendary maze

I think maybe the beast had got them
The vengeful Minotaurus dwelling inside
Hidden there for shame from my father's eyes
If they met him there'd be no place to hide

I had never really cared for the heroes
Always boasting and trying to seem smart
But Theseus was different from all of them
And he quickly endangered my heart

For he already placed his name
On the list of the heroes to go in
And I knew our love was to end
Before it was about to begin

So I called him and told him my plans
I would lend him some help to escape
Thus a small roll of yarn was sewn
In the hem of his hero's cape

In return for my loving aid
He would come for me if he returned
And he promised to make me his wife
That for my love alone he yearned

But a year passed and Theseus was gone
The were rumours of victory abroad
That my hero had slain the monster
And I saw how my plans were flawed

when skill
and agenda
are combined
with sense
of narrative

A live object
Sentenced to die
The artwork itself
Makes a request
For help with an appeal
Which
If successful
could change
The outcome
Altogether

If not
The object will die
By the system
And by the artist
Become food
For goldfish
To complete
The work of art

we were late
the gathering had already begun
a solemn voice recited
his stories
his words
became ours
among whitened walls
behind him were instruments
quiet like us
anxiously waiting
unfamiliar with house
rituals
he finished and we applauded
along with the faces
captured on canvas
and hung with nails
on the walls
The next voice was a woman
she spoke in verse
free, blank,
only slightly
ordered
but sensual
inviting
inside and beyond
our faces
her voice
her body
reflected in the windows
and we were invited
to eat and drink upstairs
that night
with words
and faces surrounding us
voices and music
a strange lady
performing
mostly to herself
but everything
telling more stories
for us to contemplate
until next time

A sudden spring
a rush
between slender stems
long dormant
awakened one morning
by droplets
of subtle fertile heat
A sudden spring
a glow
in late summer

covering the world
that I see
covering you
is a layer of personal
poetry
a language illegible
if not invisible
to all
but I see it
and sometimes I write it
in a different language
to make the world see
just how beautiful
you are

Misinterpreted
Man's aspiring arrogance
A crumbling Tower

Spotted
Soaked and
Silently shouting
sobbing
With severe stab wounds
She staggers onwards
Stumbling
On slippery streets
Sometimes she stops
For seconds swaying
On swollen
Sore feet
In sequin stilettos
She is seen by several
But she seems invisible
Insignificant

I drank the news
That night
Burned my palate

Sped through my veins
Like a malicious spirit
Volatile conscience
I evaporated
I raised my glass
That night
Asked for another round
Of darkness
To fill me up
Like an endless night
Into which I could run
I vanished

I lit it up
That night
Set my world ablaze
And jumped
Into the flames
So, like a phoenix
I might rise again
From the ashes

You
Make me
Want to
Do
Really bad
Things
To me
And to you

You
Make me
Want to
feel
Pleasure
Pain
Lust
Passion
To breathe
Sensation
Through you

You
Make me
Want to
Do
bad things
To get
To you
Too

they met
in lovely summer
but
her autumn had begun

despite their numbers
she never learned
her craft
from
them

it was poetry
that started it
the revolution
in her

poetry became
reality
words literally
smashed her
and she
transformed

I
despite their numbers
she never learned
her craft
from
them

II
it was poetry
that started it
the revolution
in her

III
poetry became
reality
words literally
smashed her
and she
transformed

My heart leaps
every time you pack your bags
to leave
it leaps in hope
of a safe return

On a day like this
so beautiful
happiness is
a fluffy pillow
into which I sink
and suffocate
unless
I **** something
or watch someone
inflict pain
in theory
to balance
my perfect
reality

It is frightening up there
Everything is flooded in light
Every ripple gets magnified

And they're all bound
By a strange force
To keep them all
From floating
Sharp edges on everything
To cut and bruise
Blood falls like rain
And leaves evidence
Like permanent shadows
On the ground

Even light is cut up
Shades with razor sharp edges
Divide the surface world
And harbour fear
Of what may lurk
Inside darkness
And underneath

So, I choose to dive
To live below the surface
Where masks dissolve
Where contours are blurred
And gravity doesn't pull
Enough to break the flow
Of liquid dreams

It is dark down here
But it's safe
Light shafts don't get far
Sounds are but muffled cries

Here rules only instinct
Urges to follow primal pulls
Instinct lets me slither
Swim in the dark currents
Fearing nothing
But nets cast from the surface

From up here
I can watch the whole stage
How they act
As if they were actually
Actors
In a play
I can see them living
Their lives
Without really living
Only playing it
In their living room
On their sofa
With their kids
Beneath the telly
And the family portraits
I can listen
To their dialogues
And their pauses
Sighs  
Feel their silences
Like liquids filling lungs
Threatening to suffocate
Them
Until love enters
And turns the whole play
Into comedy
Relief
Release
And curtain fall

seven years ago
seven o seven a.m.
my life turned around

In the dark we form
From the nebula
Of hydrogen and dust
We compress
Under massive gravitational force
Slowly rotating
we increase
In matter
But pressure from others
And our own gravitation
Causes our collapse
We cool down
Emitting infrared light
And radio waves
And we spin faster
As our spin increases
Temperatures rise
And once more
we form
With centrifugal force
A central core
Stable
And a revolving disc
Of future planets
Soon orbiting
Our heat
Caused by the friction of bodies
Makes us glow
Our fusion
prevents further contraction
And begets jets
Intense beams of radiation
For lifeforms to enjoy
Or fear

But we know
That when the hydrogen fuel is spent
This star too
Will begin to die