i'm a mess
i thought i was strong enough
the moment you walked out of my life
i acted like nothing was hurting
but that's just me trying to get over you
but now
i don't want to live without you
i cant survive one more day

Where
Do
I
Turn
Now?
Will
You
Ever
Trust me?........
Will
You
Ever
Stop
Using
Our
Relationship
As a joke?
Where
Do
I
Turn?

I just want to be with you daddy
I wish they would understand
I wish they could see who I really am, and not as the person they think I am
Please just come and take me with you!!
Please! ..... Dad please
Mom won't even listen to me anymore!!
She doesn't even care to hear.
I'm not the person everyone is setting me out to be
I'm not my past mistakes...
Your the only one who understands ME!
AND SHE TOOK YOU AWAY!
She robbed me of the time that we could have had.
It's amazing how you can be surrounded an still feel alone....
I remember the first night how it felt when all of a sudden you werent iny life....... I remember HATING God for "letting her push you away" I remember when all of a sudden you wernt there to sing me lulabys, when the books you used to spend hours reading to me had been torn and ripped up from throwing them against the wall.
I remember waking up screaming your name..
Yet no I only wish for you here with me
Just to be where you are
Your the only one who actually listens to me in my family.
Without cheaking your phone while I speak.
I just wish you were here
I'm so lonely

God im desperate
i cant do this without you
and without YOU, im not ME
see, i feel alone,
like a lost sheep
like im loosing everything
that im striving to keep
.....deep down knowing that this isnt me
because see
i know who I AM
....I AM an ambassador of Christ.
right?
dont say i dont know who i am
when YOU ........ dont know who i am
this being the first time in my life acturally finding my identity
you lurk around me criticizing my every wrong doing
but see....what you dont understand
is I AM ......me
im not YOU, i never will be
yes stop telling me others are on your side
when you dont know how much ive cried
stop sugaring up your story
******* stop.... im so tierd of you telling me how i should do things
how i should live my life
im so **** tierd of you spreading rumors
what are you trying to prove?
Why do you act like nothing is wrong
if it hurts you so ******* much then
why dont you try listening to me for once!
and stop twisting my words up
telling me its my fault
i hate this...

i cant take this anymore
every where i turn, theres always something..
im doing my best, trying to honor God in every way,
trying to be a good sisster, a good friend, a good daughter.....
im just so ******* confused!!
cant you see ive come so far from where i was?
i dont even know what to say anymore....
ive run out of words to make you happy..
no matter how much i do right, it doesent matter to you....
youll find my flaws, even if you have to hurt me to do it...
will you ever just listen?
i guess not....

even though i try to play it off...
acting like im happy
when i cant even look at myself
without taking the mirror
and throwing it across the room
i dont know what to do anymore...
feeling like im only sinning, anymore
im doing whatever i can do, to do the right thing...
yet i feel like no matter what i do
im running from you.....
no matter where i turn
its never right....
like i cant get out of this pit of failure ive crawled into
God why!!!
....why now?