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he promised he'd take her out on the town at a quarter past three
and by a quarter of three she was dead in the living room
with her father's linens draped around her ankles
and below her skin, a purple fountain flowing

he promised her father he'd mend the holes in the linen
which had stained dark after her ascension
after her stomach acid bore craters into the floor polish
after her tongue fell from her lips to kiss the lace

and then men with suitcases took her body away at a quarter past three
they came without breaking or collapsing in the living room
they shrouded her in clinical-white sheets
and walked out the door bearing stoic expressions

leaving nothing but the world behind them
I come from an environment
where change is an everyday routine
and people can flip their switch
at the strike of a match
so I apologize if every instance
of difference sends me spiraling
downward into a self inflicted
illusion that may or may not be real
but I can’t help that every small
indication of separation
makes me cringe.
I have fallen in love
and fallen accustomed
to hyper sensitivity
and hyper awareness
because the only love
I’ve ever been apart of
was unrequited and
I was inadequate.
And the only love I have
ever been shown
was intoxicated
by madness
and left in the cold
with mental scars
and bruises on young arms.
I don’t want my past
to destroy my future
but if you’ve seen the life
I have been shown
you would think there were
roaches in diamonds
and disease in gold.
Love is not
what makes me paranoid
it’s loyalty,
because how can I learn
to receive
what I’ve never in my dark past
been shown or reciprocated.
I need to learn to trust
in mostly myself and I
because I’m tired of thinking
every beautiful day and genuine person
is all just an a illusion of my mind.
come over
and we'll play scrabble
and drink cheap wine
until we're both too weary
to remember
that we're just friends.
short scribbles // late night fantasies
Lay it down for my daddy in the middle of February.
My head on his chest while he sleeps.
Hearing his sweet soul beat into my ear,
Chanting to me in a foreign language.
All the sugar and roses in the world could never be as sweet as my daddy.
I struck a chord in his heartstrings,
And he felt it real good.
I smiled, he laughed, I couldn't help myself.

I got him up to dance with me in the winter air,
But found myself on the verge of tears when the song neared its middle,
And couldn't figure out why.
But I cried, I cried, I cried.

Lay it down for my daddy in the middle of February,
He knows me so well,
My god, he knows me.
He kisses my forehead,
And forgives me for the poison I have slipped him in between my words,
I'm sorry.
I hug his waist and rest my head once again.
I hear his breaths, long and slow,
While he slips back into his dreams,
And hopes I can't hurt his tender heart until he wakes.

Lay it down for my daddy  in the middle of February,
And hope we make it to March.
 Mar 2014 Paridhi Sharma
Emma
I hate  
When people
Make these rude
Comments like
"Anxiety isn't a big
deal. Just be
calm."
Or,
"Depression isn't real,
You just need to be
happy."
Or,
"Mental illness' are just
excuses for lazy
people."

Because these people
Don't understand
How terrible
Anxiety can be
And how it can leave you
Paralyzed.

Or how monstrous
Depression can be
And how
The demons will visit
Late into the
Night
Or even say hello
When the sun
Is still in the
Sky

Or how
Any mental illness
Can leave you
Shaking to the
Bone
Or crying
All the time
Or leaving you
Feeling like no one
Cares.

Because it's not just an
"Excuse."

-e.w.
I see her
Again
I searched for her on the internet
I found her
She is naked
Again
Having ***
With different people
Again
Why did I look for her?
What was it about her?
That sparked my interest
Her body is nice from what I can tell
But her smile
Her cheek bones
Here eyes
Friendly looking
And kind
Beautiful long hair
She seems so approachable
I don’t know anything about her
But I want to know everything
This is why I don’t normally look at ****
I see a face of a beautiful person
And I want to know everything about her
So I search
And download
Telling myself I am not a stalker
I am not a pervert
Telling myself I can be her knight in shining armor
I can save her from the life she has chosen
I am not a stalker
I am not a pervert
How long can she last?
In this kind of work
Before she goes crazy
Before she gets used up
How much money does she make?
She has a twitter account
I will never tweet her
I am not a stalker
I am not a pervert
A couple of years go by
I keep following her on the internet
She has changed her body
With plastic surgery
She isn’t the innocent cute
Girl/woman she was
She is still doing this kind of work
Why?
She needs to get out
She doesn’t have much time
She needs to learn a skill to enter the work force
I follow her on twitter
She has wish list on Amazon
She lets her fans buy her things
I want to buy her something
I don’t know why
I won’t
I am not a stalker
I am not a pervert
She is dating a man
Months go by
Now she is dating a woman
Months go by
She is retiring
I am happy
For her
But sad because I won’t see her
Her twitter account is still up
She keeps taking pictures of food
Months go by
Now she is coming out of retirement
Why
She can’t
It’s not healthy
Then I realize
I keep searching for her
On the internet
I’m responsible
For her being in demand
Myself and all her fans
Why do we watch her?
We are sick
Chasing an image that isn’t real
Her name isn’t real
This is a job to her
She needs money
And she needs it from
The pathetic losers that are her fans
This is why she is in this business
For the money
Is so simple
I’m so simple minded
I begin to hate her
I will never buy her anything
Or ever pay for any of her content
I will never tweet her
Or view her again ever
Never
never
I am free
Days go by
I am watching a television show
The actress is beautiful
I search for her on the internet
I want to know everything about her.

— The End —