I am depressed.
It happens once in a while.
I can see it coming.
Like dark clouds reaching my piece of the sky.
They roll and thicken and cover the entire sky.
Distant thunders and pale lightnings peep through them.
I suffocate and long for a rain.
Oh how I wish the rain just splash out of it.
And wash away all the anguish with it.
I  love that rain!
Rain of my own tears.
And the relief after the rain.
Like meek sunrays slowly spreading in.

Some tell me to fight it off.
Some tell me to pray it off.
Some tell me to work it off.
Some tell me to sleep it off.
Some tell me to write it off.
Oh! but the ecstacy is to cry it off!
For little they all know about my anguish.
I have tried in vain to explain and sealed it in.
Like the drop of rain in the oyster of my heart.
One day it was destined to turn into a pearl.
Behold! My beautiful pearl!
My Anguish!
Finally versified!

I was drowning.
I dont swim.
But I jumped into the sea.
As I trusted some fraud.
And I was drowning.

I found hands around me.
Trying to push me up.
But even in the middle of ocean,
Those hands were all over me.
Disgusting.

I looked around one last time.
Pleading with my eyes for life.
Not far away I saw him.
The safest looking boy on earth.
Swimming to himself.

I thought I knew him.
A friend of a friend.
I grabbed him and clung to him.
Clung for my not so dear life.
I was afraid to die.

He must have been perplexed.
I just hung to him and blabbered.
I wanted him to save me.
Take me to shore, to family.
I just cried in his ears.

He just started swimming.
Swimming with all his might.
Really mighty  he was.
To grab a fighting me and swim.
Without ever letting go.

I gasped,cried and struggled.
I complained,wailed and raged.
I was hysterical and shocked.
He just continued to swim.
Never giving in to my tantrums.

Many a times I pulled him down.
Kicked him as I was trying to breath.
I pulled his hair and scratched his body.
I  pushed his head down and gasped.
He just kept on saying "Not far now"

He did take me to shore.
He gave me his breath.
He made me throw up the sea water.
He made sure am dry and warm.
He smiled at me and I felt safe.

Then only I noticed he is so grown up.
Not so much of a kid as I thought.
He extended his hand and told his name.
I sat there bewildered as I was wrong.
He was not my friend's friend.

He looked at me mused and smiled.
May be he thought I didnt follow.
He turned and walked away slowly.
I sat there watching and grieving.
Then I sprang up and followed.

As he is the safest friend on earth.

He hits me.
His own daughter.
Can't he see what this is doing to me?
Can't he see the bruises that he leaves?

The kids at school have started to ask questions.
I hate to think what would happen if they found out.
I don't want their pity.
I just want my father to stop.

He is always mad at me for something.
Like last night, for example.
I made him spaghetti instead of roast like he wanted.
So, what do I get? A beating. And he ATE the food anyway. Didn't give me a single bite.

I'm hungry.
I haven't had anything to eat in about 36 hours.
Why doesn't my father like me?
Did I do something wrong? I hope not.

He wasn't always like this.
It started years ago, when I was 9.
Right after my mother had killed herself.
I had found her, sitting on the bathroom floor with empty pill bottles spread out around her.

I ran to his work, telling him the news.
He took me home, sat me down. I thought he was going to comfort me. I was wrong.
He hit me. Just like that.
I've cried every night since. Silently, though. I don't want to give him the pleasure of knowing he hurt me.

I get good grades, have a good singing voice.
I am School Captain, have a pretty face.
I am good at the arts, excel in sports.
I am the luckiest girl in the world, right? Wrong. Couldn't be more wrong.

School ends.
I run home.
I write a note to my father:
'Goodbye. Mum wanted to get away from you, now I am too. And the only thing I regret is not doing it sooner.'

I lock myself in the bathroom.
No, I will not **** myself with pills.
I am not my mother.
I did not marry that sick man.

No, I will defy him in the best way possible.
I run out of the bathroom.
Grab a length of rope from the back shed.
Try and prepare for what comes next.

I still remember how to make a hangman's noose.
And there I go.
I hang myself.
Right above the front door. Where he will see what he made of his little girl.



The man weeps. He knew it was wrong.
He would have stopped if he knew it was this bad.
He hates himself, but he must go on with life - and make it a good one. He will show his darling daughter that he can be a good person.
He sits on the ground, thinking of what he made of his little girl...

People get mad because of hurt feelings,
And because everyone is different people judge.
But they shouldn't,
Because the only person you need to judge is yourself.
Because that is the only person you control.
Some people act mean because they are abused at home.
Lots of things happen you don't see, and the things you see can trick you.
So be careful if you go to judge,
Because even a court judge needs overwhelming evidence.
You know what you did, and you know if you need to change.
Don't let people judge you by their rules and ideas.
If your not breaking the law, then its your business.
But if you feel you can do better, or you think you made a mistake
It is your decision to get better, and fix things.
Don't judge others.
You can't help others while your judging them.