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there is a wrestle going on inside of me
an epic match
                                        
                                                                ­      nAch vs nAff
At one end “Duty”-the undefeated ruling champion
                                                        ­             And at the other end
                                                                ­                              “Desire”-a strong contender for the title

Come and watch this fight to the death!
get out the fizz and popcorn
join the fun!
see me oscillate-between one and the other
i’m like an old grandfather clock
can’t decide
this lunacy is felt
in my deepest self, my core
stretched so far I’m torn apart
every limb every pore seethes in the anticipation
of the win
my mind bounces off the walls
I wonder what the point is at all-
someday this will end in a drunken brawl.
- Vijayalakshmi Harish
         07.09.2012

Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
“Love and work... work and love, that's all there is." - Sigmund Freud

Dharma : Duty
Kama : Desire.
nAch: In psychological terminology: Need for Achievement
nAff: In psychological terminology: Need for Affiliation
He’s doing a crossword, I’m doing the dishes.
“What is that word?”, he asks,
“the one that means given to incessant laughter”.
“Joyful, gleeful, cheerful?”
‘No that’s not what I meant”
“Mirthful, merry, enjoyment”
“That’s just not it”
“Well, how many letters is it?”
(Now I’m getting interested)
“Eight”
“What does it begin with?”
“I haven’t got that yet, but it does end with a N”
“a N…Hmmm..Oh! I’ve got it”
“What?”
“I can’t remember-but its on the tip of my tongue”
“That’s not helping”, he adds with sarcasm
“I’m giving it all I’ve got but the word just won’t come”
“Try saying it in your mind,
what does it sound like?”

“Aquarium”
“So, its starts with an A?”
“Yeah, that’s for sure”
“We’ve got to find this lethologica of yours a cure!”
“I’ve got! I’ve got it! Abderian is the word!”

Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. It is a psychological disorder. The related non-pathological condition is the "tip of the tongue" phenomenon. The above is an imaginary conversation.
sometimes the worlds i enter
are not the worlds i’m meant to be in
i can’t deal with this pain
too piercing to be real, too solid to be fake
sometimes I regret getting into your mindspace
the chaos is too reasonable
too logical too orderly for it to be what it should
it pushes me away strong-armed memories
password protected secret files
stored in colour coded vaults
can’t break down the walls
all I want is to regress
back into myself
and stay there-rocked shut
you can’t pry me open
I’m lost in my mental pandemonium
- Vijayalakshmi Harish
        14.09.2012

Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
I know its late, but it’s a Sunday
a lazy sunny morning
                               after the stormy night yesterday
and all I want is to lie
right here beside you amongst the pillows
                                                        ­      and nuzzle upto you
bury my face in your chest
and feel your warmth inching its way from
                                                                ­         my heart to my toes
the aches and pains of the week
slowly melting away in your bear hug
                                                             ­         and my world lighting up
with your smile
“aren’t you getting up?”, you ask
my eyes are stuck together with sleep
I’m not ready to let the world in yet
                                                             ­            want to shut it out today
but you are persistent
i see you’ve been up before me
i smell the coffee in your breath

                                                         ­      i find coffee-flavoured lips
                                                            ­       are quite addictive


Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
They are quite invisible
The citizens of Missingville
They are here one second and gone the other

On the one hand they make you smile
On the other shed a tear
You may never see them
But always they are present
And when they disappear altogether
More acute their absence

You may not get a chance
To say good bye
If you saw them somewhere
you mayn’t be able to recognize
but for the little while you feel them
you share some intimacies together

And wherever they go off to
I wish their life gets better and better!

-Vijayalakshmi Harish
  19.09.2012

Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
Recently, Paul Gurrieri wrote a poem called "Word People in Word Houses" where he spoke of how HP is like a place with neighborhoods and how much you connect with other poets makes you place them in your mental map-either close b or far away. When someone leaves HP he says, a "hole" is created in that map.
My first "hole" was created today. i suddenly realized that Ammukutty isn't around anymore! She was on HP for a very short while, but she was already in my nearby neighborhood. I will miss her! And I do hope that she decides to come back!
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