Thank you so much, I'm learning so much about myself. (And I'm learning that I don't understand myself very well.) Thank you so much, I like myself more. Thank you so much, I actually think I'm beautiful. Thank you so much, I like more music now. Thank you so much, I know what love is now. (I know what obsession is now too.) Thank you so much, I know what attachment is. Thank you so much I cannot love another. (But only romantically.) Thank you so much, my compassion is through the roof. (I only like this so much)

Congratulations you've made me a better person.
(But you haven't improved you?)

Wonderful, you love me.
(But do you love you?)

But really I do wish to thank you so much.

Please don't acquire the bad habits of your sister.
I know you look up to her, but she isn't too bright sometimes.

Don't get acquainted with her anger, it's not something you want to know as well as she does.
Don't become impatient, life is full of waiting and it's better to just be patient with it.
Never think anything about harming your lovely skin.
Please don't hide your tears under your pillow, we want to share your pain.
No creating a bottle of emotions inside you, cause sooner or later it will get shook up.
Don't let people's words bring you down, like your sister did when she was your age.

You are so wonderful in every way, do not ever forget that.
We love you, honey. More than you could ever know.

It seems to me
that every time
I get to a high place
I slowly
             start
                       to
                               f
                               a
                                l
                             ­     l
                                          and fail.

Sometimes I have an overwhelming urge to take you away from all your stress and what you have to deal with. I want to wrap my arms around you and say:"Ahhh, you're finally safe.". I know it seems silly, but I love you. You might not be as delicate as I feel like you are, but I want to protect you from everything. I want you to never feel bad, and never be hurting inside, out, or in your head.

I've always thought that I hated people, I was mad at the world.
I hated it all and everyone was ugly to me.
Today I had a thought. I realized that I fall in love with certain things about everyday people.

I fall in love with the scrawled writing of the person sitting next to me in Spanish.
I fell in love with the hands of a boy who sat in front of me on the bus.
I fell in love with the pretty cheekbones of a girl with short hair, and a stubborn attitude.

I noticed these things no one else did, like the raindrops in a brunettes hair or the way someone talked as if they never got to before.  

Maybe I am not as cold as I thought.
And maybe some people aren't so bad.
Maybe there is something good to be seen in us all.
                                                              
 ­                               


                               ­                                 It's just not always seen first.

You asked me today why I wanted to harm my body, you said everything was perfect and happy. You didn't understand why.  I couldn't answer and said that I didn't know. I hope you read this so you'll know. It's an addiction, something I'm so used to. It's something that I love doing. I love the marks it leaves, the straight perfect red lines or the faded beauties.  And I think the blades are so beautiful, and captivating. I know this is strange and sad, but it's my mind.. I love the blood, and the clean up. Being the doctor of my own self, and harm. I love the silent mind it gives me, the indifferent feeling, the numbed mind. Those feelings are almost better than the straight happiness you deliver to me. But I've kinda figured out that even if I'm happy, I'm sad, or angry. Or whatever else. It's just hidden, and it stinks for lack of a better word. And believe me, I do not want to have this weighing over me for the rest of my life, and I do not want to feel like this forever. I'm just comfortable with it, this sadness, and I don't think I know how to let go of the harming. But I'm not giving in, even though I feel as if I'm close to giving up however many days I've been without this. And I think I've explained to you before that I'll do other things, and I do. I try not to though.. I want you to know that I'll be fine though, I am okay. I don't need you to try and fix me, or cure me of whatever this is. I just want you to be here, and make me laugh when I'm sad. I'm very grateful I have you though, thank you. I love you, ***. Mwah~

I realized today the world isn't as perfect as I thought.
Well, I always knew, but I never had proof.
Or a realization.
And until now everything was covered in a veil.
But as I realize this, and become less naive things become harder to accept.
I understand myself more often, but what is that worth when all I see anywhere is the ugliness of the world and its people.
I'm too young to have known that life is meaningless..but all the same meaningful.
But how do I tell the ones that I love that I don't feel the need to be here anymore?
That I do not want to be here..?
How do I tell people that I believe we have no other purpose but to be here?
And by being here we are only destroying things.
I am puzzled at this, and I wish to not have this mind.
I wish to not have this body.
Please give it to someone who wants to live.
I have this privilege of a physical body, and a mind that comprehends adequately but I do not want it.
I'm tired of knowing and seeing.
Bring me back to an age where nothing hurt and nothing was thought.