She stands and moves
at the same time.
She feels as if the world is slow.
She doesn't know what to do.
Anxiety takes a hold of her life.
She is a captive to her own self.
She no  longer can escape.

Hope
opens
passages to new
experiences.

Misery keeps coming back to me.
I couldn't even tell you why.
Misery why are you so obsessed with me?
What do I have to do to make you go away?
What did I do to deserve this?
Misery why don't just leave me alone
so I could just be happy.

Parting causes me pain
I wish I could rewind time and make everything
alright.
Without you I feel as if I am falling apart.
We weren't supposed to end up leaving each other.
I just want to hear you say it over and over again.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I knew it wasn't going to be easy for us to part.
But maybe we will make it back to the start in time
to see each other once more.
To be best friends.
To have each other once again.

My heart keeps leaping back to you
but you wont grasp it.
Dont leave me here standing to face the world alone.
My heart would break without you and her.
I feel so low.
Just say you love me.
Everyday I feel as if you wont ever come back home together.
I feel so lonely
it drives me crazy.
Come back home to me
SOON.

Leave me behind in the dust
as I watch you drive away.
My heart feels like its gonna fall on the floor and
crash into a million pieces.
You complain you don't want to go, but you do.
I see you go I tell myself don't cry
You are so much stronger than you think
Let out your smile and let it shine.
Maybe in the end the dust will swoop back up and
you will get to see him soon again.

Last night while I was dreaming
I saw you.
In a dark corner in a room
I called out your name over and over again
then you turned around and
I saw you smile.
It made my aching soul fill a little.
But instead of calling out my name you just turned back around.
I woke up with tears streaming down my brown dull eyes.
I had the chance to see you.
This was the best nightmare that I have had in a while.

Everything is so different without you here.
I miss those
Jumping frog legs.
Random laughing.
Yelling honey Im home just to mess with me.
Having the covers ripped off of  me and you telling me to get my lazy **** up.
Asking you how was work and you saying
same old **** just a different day.
Our long talks.
Our deep conversations.
Yet you are  not home
Its 3:46 in the morning and yet I feel as if time is going too slow
without you here.

Pour me another drink.
Im tired of this life.
Everything has gone to a pile of ****.
Bartender will you listen to my whines?
Bartender what time will you be closing?
I already see the sun shining through the ***** glass windows.
I dont want to leave.
Life for me is misery right now.
Ive felt like ive been driving on a dirt road for too long.
Its time for me to go
I repeat in my head as I stumbled out into the world to
face another blurry day.

My perspective of you will always
be the same.
No matter how disappointed you make me.
No matter how many times you mess up.
You don't have to be perfect for me to love you.
I just do.
Whether you like it or not.

Last night in my dream the world was okay.
Last night in my dream everything was different.
When I woke up
I had to face the real world.
Sometimes our dreams have a way of messing with our
head.
It messes with our head so much that we wish that they would
come true.

Our hearts can become filled with so much
hatred yet even though we continually feel this way
we still think about all the possibilities.
This world is filled with anger.
This world is heavy on souls.
This world never gives us a break.
Is it a punishment to humans ?
What if you were able to change the whole world?
Where would you start?
School, Home,  or even
Work.
The world is filled with so many great possibilities.
Its time for this world to become what it can be.

My beautiful best friend.
I have watched you for awhile now.
You finally are starting to become proud of who
you are turning out to be.
My beautiful best friend
thank you for constantly being there for me
whatever the cause may be.
My beautiful best friend
your smile make my day when you are happy
it gives me hope.
My beautiful best friend
Stay with me until the end and
promise to never leave me hanging on a string.

The heart has a funny way of making
everything a mess.**
The heart always adds more weight
to what is happening in your life.
We always try to ignore the painful feeling.
But in reality once we are alone in a room
we realize our heart is using our mind to its
advantage.

The more you drink
The more I despise.
Never consume it
Because once you do it
you will never go back.
Poison is the definition of alcohol.

If you ever go through a broken heart
and feel as if you have no one
Always remember I love you no matter
what.

I don't want to be
the person that
everyone only has a memory of.
I don't want to be the girl who
sleeps all day
and doesn't at night.
I don't want to lay in bed
waiting for something to happen
I want to be happy but
I don't know how.
How can I when I have been this way
for so long.
I finally faced the world
and my reality hit me.
I'm so past comfort.
Therapy isn't even going to help me.
But I need it.
I need my reality to be the way it was.
When I was happy.
Maybe it will change even if its at a slow pace
**I am ready.

You and me
we float on the same river
in the same canoe looking
straight ahead waiting for
something new.
We were meant to stay afloat for
each other.
Before I met you my canoe flipped over
so many times.
At days I felt like I was drowning.
But now that your with me
holding my hand
I know that we are meant to be
best friends.
I love you a lot more than you will ever know.
So please stay in my boat with me,
we will find our way to the shore
and everything will end up being great again
once more...

Today I dragged my body around
down the halls
trying to make it through the day.
People opening gifts all around me and
smiling.
It made me feel so unhappy.
After that mess me and a friend jumped in our car
rode down to the ice cream shop
and started ordering our ice cream.
When I was ordering the person kept looking at me.
The person shocked me by saying
"You look very beautiful today by the way".
A stranger I didn't even know complimented me.
It made me smile.
I don't know your name
but if you are on here you made my day.
Thank you for saying it randomly.
Beautiful... I haven't been called that randomly in a while
what a great day it turned out to be.
-beautiful- what a great word to say.

All my life that's all I can remember
standing in front of a mirror
and pointing out my physical flaws.
Too big. Too small.
It didn't help that somebody was whispering in my ear
"you will never be good enough".
For two years.
Ever since then I have felt like I cant reach any ones
expectation.
But of course its not anyone else's problem.
Today out of all days I felt like I wasn't good enough.
Sometimes my true reality can become so
cliché.
Where's my knight ? Who told me I was beautiful and smart?
Oh that's right he never existed.
I'm the type of girl who fishes for compliments but
never gets them and if I do its out of pity.
I am so beyond angry
sad.
Tired emotionally drained.
That the old me I cant even see anymore.
I wish I was good enough to be me.
But I guess I am not.

I guess that feeling has come back to me.
What happened
I thought I was supposed to be happy.
Maybe my supposed happiness
was all just a major
lie.
I convince myself at night that its not
but what if it is
What am I to do then?
My heart feels like its going to break at
any given moment.
Can you tell me why?
My happiness feels like a knife at times.
Sometimes its dull. Then its sharp.
This happiness has only been temporary.
Its like I tug on my own heart.
I guess I am my own heartbreaker.

If there is a god answer my
prayers.
If there is a god what did I
do to deserve all of this?
If there is a god could he hear
my prayers and answer then
for me.
Please.
If you're there can you
at least be there for me,
so I'm not alone in this
world.
If there is a god I want to know
why all of this is happening
to me.

My other half visited me today.
For a while I felt okay.
I wasn't sad or afraid.
My other half gave me hope
When I locked my front door and
walked away.  
I looked back as I drove away.
I wasn't sad. I wasn't glad either.
But I had more hope than I did in the past.
My other half told me something that made me realize
that all of this mess that is happening to me
Is all for great reasons.
Its a chance to start over.
Its a chance to be happy.
Its a chance to save myself from me.
I am no longer afraid of the tomorrows.
I cant wait to face the future now.
I now know that everything is going to end up being okay.

I've had dreams*
that I wasn't this way
that my world wasn't crumbing around me.
That I was okay.
That I didn't have so much fear of pain.
That I could fly far away to not face
everything.
I don't know what to say anymore.
Pathetic I know.

Yesterday that's all I managed to do.
Scream.
I didn't know what else to do.
It felt like the pain was there
even when I didn't think about
it.
When I was screaming I realized
that maybe all that happened
was my breaking point.
If I didn't scream I cried.
I cried till I couldn't cry
anymore, then fell asleep.
But when I woke up
even though I stopped I could
still pick up the sound of
sadness.

Once upon a time
it felt like a little awhile ago
there was a girl who wasn't afraid of
tomorrow.
She wanted tomorrow to come.
She couldn't wait.
Now she fears the tomorrows.
She has this fear that nothing is
going to ever be okay.
She's the girl who cant imagine tomorrow.
She no longer has much hope.
If only it was different.
She misses the way it used to be.

Thinking can cause you to feel
empty if you hold it inside it will feel as if you
are going to explode, from all the pain. If tears
run down your face you will feel less
sadness, and it will help you.

Love is when you can tell a person anything without being afraid. Love is when you stay up late and have long deep talks. Love is how you share with the other person. Love is when you cant imagine that person leaving you, and if they do you feel as if tomorrow is so far away. Love is when you're around the other person and you feel safe. Love can be so many things. Love is special. Love is when you have a rough day and they come and pick you up. These things can be so hard to find. But if you do, don't ever let that person walk through a door and never come back. Love is so rare. To have love is something magical. Never let it slip through your hands.

Forget those people who make you feel
unworthy.
Forget the pain just for a day.
Forget all the sadness just for awhile.
If it helps scream.
LOUD.
Forget all of the *******, and block out
this horrible world and stay a while
with me.

Enjoy all the days in this life.
Even those painful ones.
Please remember there is always another
day.
Put your pain in frames and hang it up
and walk away.
Try to be happy just for one day.
I know its not that easy but
at the end of the day
you will feal as if everything is going to be
okay.

Please do your deed and not
Run from me.
Our friendship means so much to me.
My head is filled with insanity
I need you to rid these thoughts in my head and keep me
Sane from all of my
Emotional pain when your around I feel
So at ease, so please promise to stay with me.

Funny how I'm replaced just like that,
with the snap of a finger.
It makes me laugh.
Its kind of sad how
3 WORDS can change so easily.
The only thing that makes me laugh is
it shouldn't happen to me.
God I am mad and sad I wish you would see
how its not funny to treat me like I have no dignity.

As soon as I opened my eyes it hit me.
The unbearable feeling.
I climbed out of bed and got ready
I tried not to make it obvious I was in pain.
Not physically but mentally.
I tend to hide this emotion away.
I tell myself put on your face and hide it away.
If only it was that easy.
In reality hope is what is needed for me to
get through my days.

Behind these eyes
is a long story.
These eyes are getting
weary.
So slowly.
When I look in the mirror I say
"I want the old me".
When I look in my eyes
I can tell that I'm in constant
pain.
I try and try to smile
but when I do I just look in the mirror
and see that
my eyes aren't the way they used to be.

Everyday I repeat in my head
"Keep going, everything will get better".
I try not to give up on
myself.
It gets hard each and every day.
Trying to move along.
Everyone around me goes so slow.
I feel as if I'm going to
pass out.
My heart goes a million miles an hour.
Then I repeat in my head that little quote.
"Keep going, everything will get better".
I just hope I don't start to doubt.

She described it as an unbearable pain
She says its like you can tell that your soul just
Chipped away
I look back and say
"It starts in my head
At days it feels as if the pain isn't going to go
Away.
Though I will admit my soul does chip
I don't want to accept that thought."
She looks back and says
"Your soul has chipped so much hasn't it"?
"I don't want to admit it but yes."
I say
"My soul drifted away in the air awhile ago, slowly everyday"

You know what I just saw?
It was supposed to be our movie
I remember when we saw the commercial
We instantly looked at each other and said
"That's gonna be our movie"
We couldn't help but smile
Now its out
You're not here
Its making me feel as if I gave up
On our years.
Dear you do you see what I feel?
I'm starting to feel empty
Without you here.

Some days I wish you were here.
At days it feels like its been years since
you were here.
My birthday was long.
I waited for your calls.
Even though none were received
I know you guys are still with me.
I hope I made you very proud
I'm sure I have
But I still wish you were here
With me.

I can feel your pain.
I know I'm not just going insane.
I know I've been a horrible friend
Can I tell you something?
I feel you even though you're away
I can feel how you feel and
It causes my heart much pain
I hope one day you realize
That no matter what happens in this life
I will always have open
Arms....

You ever get that feeling
When you find out somethings wrong
Its like you're stomach drops to your knees
and you feel like you have to scream
I don't know what its called but
I have the feeling
that's its this thing that people call
sadness
The only sad part about this is that
I've felt like this lately.