you will never understand why it hurts
you will never feel my pain
you think you know just because you did ******
you don't understand because you aren't me

Here i am
5:30 am
I had a flashback
Im waiting for the time to pass
No one is here to comfort me
Im crying but im slowly dying
So here i will remain at 5:30 am

Sorry dad you have been gone from age 9 to now im almost 17
2 months dad
2 months till the last time i saw you was 8 years
How does it feel you missed half of my life
We talk now
Havent i been through enough

Am i not enough
Am i to broken
Am i to ugly
Am i to me

I miss you when your next to me
But i want you to say goodbye

I want to die
I dont even feel alive
There is no one here to dry my tears
Im an emotional mess
I cant rest
I sleep
My i always have bad dreams
Im so far gone
I just done

You judge me but then ask me why i have low selfesteem
You tell me i dont look good then wonder why second guess everything
You make me cry then ask me why
You make jokes about private stuff then act like its all fine
Im leaving and i wont come back i hate how you make me feel
Like im not good enough for you

You left me in 2015
You were found in your apartment
you funeral was sunny
From then i hated sunny days
I was 13
You left me to cry
You left us all with out a brother, a father, a grandfather
You left me to comfort mom and grandma
You left jamal in his on greif to comfort his mom and sister
You left us with no hand to hold
No smile to hold on to
I sense you around me but you arent truely there
Grampy we all miss you im going to be 17 soon and i need you but your gone

I dont date jocks
They are *****
They think they are above everyone else
And right now im sitting with 3 football players

I used to be the girl who lost her self in her surroundings
Who felt safe walking through a drug infested city
Who had no fear
Who threw ice coffees at her friends when she got upset
Who cried when there was no one there to hold her
I used to love being surrounded by people

That was me two years ago

I am the girl who has no self esteem
Who feels safe with no one and no where
Who doesnt love herself
Who is mega emotional
Who has been in a hospital
Who cries all the time
I am the girl who tries to isolate her self from everyone and everthing

I go from being insanely hungry to forcing myself to eat
I go from being insanely happy to trying not to cry