You judge me but then ask me why i have low selfesteem
You tell me i dont look good then wonder why second guess everything
You make me cry then ask me why
You make jokes about private stuff then act like its all fine
Im leaving and i wont come back i hate how you make me feel
Like im not good enough for you

I miss you when your next to me
But i want you to say goodbye

I wonder about my sister
Is she fat?
Does she have a cat?
Is her family cool?
Does she make all the boys drool?
Is she smart?
Does she have brothers who arent?
How about friends?
Will these questions ever end
Will they just bounce around my head till im dead

Is her favorite color green?
What about Aquamarine?
Is her name Stephanie?
What is her middle name?

I wish she was here
She will probaly take after our father with depression
She might have a couple more years to worry about that
I hope she doesnt wind up dead
I wish i could be with her
Maybe her family moved to ohio too
Maybe i could meet her one day

That day will always be my last
My last smile
My last pieice of innosence
My last day with my old name
My last everything
Now i am Alie because that is all i would say when i was 3
The day i was adopted all i said was 'a lie'
So my new parents called me that
i know i have a twin out there my mom told me so
Only i was put up for adopting not her
She probably wasnt abused by her parents
Mine was physical from my dad
Emotional from both
She probably doesnt have a rediculous fear
She is probably perfect unlike me

Here i am
5:30 am
I had a flashback
Im waiting for the time to pass
No one is here to comfort me
Im crying but im slowly dying
So here i will remain at 5:30 am

the pain is worse when your words come out
the words hurt my soul with untold amount

you will never understand why it hurts
you will never feel my pain
you think you know just because you did ******
you don't understand because you aren't me

i buried a kitten
I tried to save her but i was to late
She ran away
Its my fault why she is dead
If only i tried harder

Everyone cares but when it matters most
They become ghosts
They act loke they care
But they are so unaware

Geodon you effect me a way no one else can
You take away the voices
You make me smile when im sad
Geodon i dont know what i would do without you
You change my mood swings
Now they only come once a month
You fix everything
Until i skip a dose then everything goes wrong
And stays wrong for a week

I go from being insanely hungry to forcing myself to eat
I go from being insanely happy to trying not to cry