i buried a kitten
I tried to save her but i was to late
She ran away
Its my fault why she is dead
If only i tried harder

He gives me space
For me to breathe
I need him close
But i want him to leave
I love you dear
Dont you see
My games are just a defense baby
Ill push you away
That much is true
But baby i will always want you
Crying tears
No one knows
Ill hide them till i dont know
Why do you smile when all else is bad
Why cant i be real
Why cant i be glad

Go after her she is skinny
Shes not like me skinny fat
Love her she is prettier than me
Dont love me with my messed up knees
Want her she is short and all
Dont want me im tall
I fall all the time
Im not right
I will hurt you and there will be no return
It will hurt me to but it will be better with out me
I will leave and you can have her i dont want to hurt anyone anymore

I miss you when your next to me
But i want you to say goodbye

I have mood swings
People say you can see it in my poems and stories
I just go from crazy highs
To extreme lows
I go from posting alot
To not even picking up my diary
I go from being as hype as a cheerleader
To sleeping for 16 hours at a time

I am the hurricane
And your getting caught in the eye of the storm
And you dont even realize it

You hit me i cry
But you never give me a reason why

the pain is worse when your words come out
the words hurt my soul with untold amount

Im crying
*** I'm dying
Anyone can save me
But I'm drowning in the self-hate
And no one want to pick me up out of these waters
These waters of pain

I used to be the girl who lost her self in her surroundings
Who felt safe walking through a drug infested city
Who had no fear
Who threw ice coffees at her friends when she got upset
Who cried when there was no one there to hold her
I used to love being surrounded by people

That was me two years ago

I am the girl who has no self esteem
Who feels safe with no one and no where
Who doesnt love herself
Who is mega emotional
Who has been in a hospital
Who cries all the time
I am the girl who tries to isolate her self from everyone and everthing

I go from being insanely hungry to forcing myself to eat
I go from being insanely happy to trying not to cry